Mini post!

Don't wanna talk really. Liquid fasted yesterday. Ended up having 175 cals =/ (breakdown - 130 from dark chocolate almond milk and 45 from vanilla almond milk). Woke up to 59.5 on the scale. Woot. then I binged today... ugh... whole wheat pasta and red bell pepper/broccoli/onion cooked together in oil (mixed in with the pasta) (It was from last night's dinner) (at least mom can't say I never eat now... she was questioning what I ate yesterday). Almost had a bunch of pistachios/peanuts, but then I was like fuck NO. At least now you still have a chance if you exercise tonight, if you eat more I KNOW you'll gain, so I just stuffed them in a bag and into a coat pocket (never wear/have worn the coat XD) =3 That cheered me up slightly. So I threw up that binge and had half a glass of 7up (55cals) and dark chocolate almond milk (60cals)-spaced out obviously, not mixed together! Lmao. Might have some more 7up later... The sugar helps me concentrate. And then I'll exercise a bit tonight.


Ohh shit this was not a mini-post... I'm sorry!

Here's some thinspo/inspiration. I'm attempting to stop cutting (epically fucking failing... it's almost like eating... lmao. I either don't do it or I do a shitload of it) and now my thighs are covered in bruises (it's not cutting if I'm just punching myself, right?) and my legs/stomach/hips are covered in cuts.. oh how fucking amazing.

Point of the cutting rant: When I was Googling this chick, I saw she was wearing a TWLOHA tshirt! YAY!!! Made me happy =3

She's Dawn Michele from Fireflight. Christian band. I love their song Unbreakable.

And some thinspo/inspiration <3 I think she's gorgeous ^_^

<3

Mais oui, je parle francais!

Doing French club shit today... should probably get dressed for that soon, since my friend is picking me up in less than an hour.

Sigh. Yeah yesterday was shit. I got 2 snow days this week and Monday off, so I only had 2 days of school. However, my parents got yesterday off too so I ended up staying home all day crying and trying not to cut. I did SH a bit, but no cutting... Until this morning when I absolutely had to and I sliced up my leg and now I'm fine... Relatively. Happy that I'm getting out of the house.
My parents are just so loud and mentally invasive and it's like.. leave me the fuck alone...I'm an introvert, I need my goddamn peace and quiet. But I can't even get that at night (which is usually *my* time) because they've decided that the snow means they need to play their movies 500x louder. That or they're going deaf cause they're so goddamn old.

Yeah I'm not in a good mood right now. I'm sorry. I missed you lovely ladies so much <3

I promise I've been reading your blogs... I just don't know what to comment. Night Flower left. I'm gonna miss her =/ Though I'm glad she's found a reason to get out of this poisonous world.

Comments I guess....


Ana, yes I am GhostMango ^_^ Hai <3 <3 <3

Elara, haha god I know I couldn't find anything on her and she's so gorgeous... I was like...whaaa? Why??? D=


So you ladies don't mind the thinspo/food posts?

Thinspo Post!

Promised Post!

Kinda like the promised land... but this one is definitely not flowing with milk and honey!

So for some reason I'm really happy. Well, I mean... I'm getting a 5 day weekend cause we have a snow day today =D And it's pretty outside. And I'm not weighing myself but I am exercising every night so I guess I'm being healthy...

Off topic but this is a lovely song... Fly by We As Human <3
Apparently they're a Christian band... cool!

Sigh... on the food-related side... ugh I don't fucking know. I throw up too much (yeah it's on purpose, don't worry) and now it's like every day my heart does this weird little shit and it's nothing serious but it does worry me cause what if it gets worse?


Oh and I really wanted to share this with you girls/guys... It made me cry, so if you feel a bit...unstable today, then don't look at it... I got the link/info from another blog I was reading.
SERIOUSLY DON'T CLICK THIS IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT TRIGGER YOU OR SOMETHING. IT'S HEART BREAKING.
Link
Yeah that... just something to think about I guess. Is being thin really worth that? She was only 14...


Um yeah... I don't know. I'm just scared that...that happened.

Ugh ok I'm not talking about it cause that would make the whole trigger warning pointless and narg I don't want to be the reason someone gets all messed up.


On the nerdy side... I changed my RS name (contact to the right has been updated!) and I've discovered that I adore RS music... The Glacialis stuff makes me happy ^_^ And it's strangely motivational, or at least mesmerizing...


I'll hopefully have a weight for you guys next post. Estimate: 65kg. Oink oink!


I love you ladies <3 And any guys who read of course ^_^ It's just the ladies who comment.



Ooo and thank you for the tea comments =) <3

Tea

Thank you, Night Flower <3


Ok I'll do a legit post tomorrow, but HOLY SHIT it bothers me when people talk about "chai tea"... is this some English-speaking thing I haven't figured out yet? Cause in Russian, chai is the generic word for tea... so what I hear is "tea tea" and the person thinking they're so damn sophisticated. Er yeah good job you just said the same word in two different languages. Want a fucking medal for that?


Mrg. Someone please enlighten me...

Rant (non-ED)

First of all, thank you for the comments =)

So I'm a little hungover right now so if something I say sounds stupid, err.. that's probably why. Also relapsed and sliced up my hand yesterday...woot... k...


I was thinking this morning...the only difference between animals and humans is that humans are a bunch of fucking liars. Animals' main goals are getting food and reproduction. They don't try to hide that. Humans try to disguise their attempts at achieving these same goals as saying they're looking for "happiness". "EAT THIS BURGER! IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY! BUY THIS SHIRT! IT WILL MAKE YOUR DAY BETTER!" No.. the food will provide sustenance for you, the shirt might make you more appealing to the opposite gender. Stop fucking lying about it. We pretend we're so much better than animals, but are we really? We're cruel, we kill ourselves (nooo I'm not talking about suicide, I'm talking about wars and shit), we destroy the environment, we ABUSE fucking animals, and then we say we're BETTER than them? That's like an abusive husband/bf saying he's better than his wife/gf because he beats her up all the time!

Ugh.. humanity really pisses me off. I mean, I know there are individuals who fucking own and want to try and change how retarded we are, and I love those people for it, but as a species, we suck.


Yeah I'm gonna go. Gotta take a shower and shit... literally... TMI I'M SORRY... Alcohol is a wonderful diuretic/laxieee.. for me anyway XD I don't know if it's that way for everyone. New Mexican wine though.. fucking delicious

And no, I don't want to know how many calories it was



Feel free to comment... disagree/agree, whatever. No, I will not hate you if you disagree with a good reason

Love you all <3

Be nice to yourselves

Absence...apology

I've just been so out of it and I'm like...meh I don't wanna blog. But then I remembered how annoyed I get when the bloggers I follow don't post in ages so I'm like narrrgggg might as well remind them of how lovely and amazing and loved they all are <3

Comments <3

Georgia (whaaa you don't have a blog link in your name so I can't link you.. I'm sorryyyy =( ), that's good to know =D I hope there's no physics/math stuff on the LSAT either... >.<

NightFlower, thank you <3 Oh and that was a lovely..story? short story? you wrote on your blog =D It was...intense. Like, really artistic and beautiful... Hrm yeah I'm bad with words <3 You're lovely dear

Kari, o.O Teaching physics in the summer? Ouch... I'm sorry... I get drink monotony with water/coffee.. It's like, I want it to taste like something else, but that would add unnecessary calories and it's like... GRRR I don't wanna do that. >.<


So er... I got a new phone =D And if anyone wants to text (US only... I'm sorry T_T)...that would be lovelyyyy ^_^ I wuv my new phone so much... here's a pic! (Taken from Google >.>)

Isn't it beautiful? I think I'm in love with it =)

Weight is probably too high. Ugh. Fuck. I don't know. I went ice skating last night. I used to be really serious about it when I was a kid, but I haven't done it in years... It felt good though. I could still skate better than almost everyone there. And I got to watch all these fat college chicks fall and stuff =D Wonderful reverse thinspo

So D and I are completely over. I'm not too upset about it. I still have my friends. And by the end of it, he was spending all his time getting high with his friends and we never even talked, let along hung out, so it was like...yeah this is over. I'm kinda relieved.


My mom is a fatass. Also wonderful reverse thinspo. When she walks in the kitchen (she's always in the kitchen) I can feel it shaking the house...ugh I need to get some really loud music. My parents are so loud it makes me want to shoot myself.

I've been on a recovery forum for cutting. It's really helped =) I still want to cut like holyfuckingshit, but then I'm like... no, breathe, Vampire, you can do this... So I haven't been hurting myself as much recently =) I'm really happy about that.



Hopefully my next post will be better. No, not hopefully. It WILL be better. Positive thinking!


<3 <3 <3

MASTER

MASTER
MASTER OF PUPPETS

Anyway. Moving on to more important things. Monday's weight: 58.4 Hai my name is Vampire and I'm a fatass!

I just want to tell you all thank you SO FREAKING MUCH for commenting. Oh my God. It seriously made my day, which needed to be made cause I'm home "sick" from school. Aka I'm on my stupid fatass period and too bitchy about it to deal with school.

Er now that I think about it... sorry for posting like 6 times in one day >.<

Elara thank you <3 I'm glad I'm not the only one

NightFlower thank youuu <3 ^_^

A Girl With Tiny Intentions I'm glad you liked it =D I love that pic too, though it kinda reminds me of the Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe <3 But yeah ^_^ It made me happy

Ohh for those of you who don't know... the pic of the anime guy eating a cube of sugar of a spoon... his name is L and he's from the manga/anime called the Deathnote. And yes we DO worship him =D

Amber, thank you for commenting. And don't try to kill yourself again, I love you <3

Peanut she was always really friendly and loving and stuff. She always let me hug her, never tried to hurt another person (though she did kill a few birds and other small animals, but not that often). When we went to pick her out from the private breeder though, she was the only girl - she had a ton of brothers though. But she was the energetic one and her brothers were all like meh.... -.- XD


So nothing particularly interesting has been going on. Um.. my French teacher picked me to go to the university nearby (a university nearby -.- There are at least 3) for this annual foreign language competition. Each school can only bring 8 students for every language, so I was pretty flattered =)

We're not going to talk about my eating cause I'm a fatass, k? Yeah great... Current weight estimate: 500kg. If it's any less than that, I'll be surprised.

Hm. I'm failing physics. I'm not sure I care. Only to the point that it'll piss my mom off and I need to keep her happy. But I told her I thought I wasn't doing very well in that class but that I AM WORKING ON IT. Yeah. Right. Ok. Who cares about angular kinematics and torque? Seriously?

Plan for today is to read blogs and not freeze to death. And play Runescape because I'm an addict =P


So I was wondering... did you guys mind the food post? I'm afraid it might be a trigger for someone... please tell me if it was and I won't do it again or I'll post a warning or something...

I love you <3

HOLY FLYING MONKEYS

I just weighed myself and I'm 59.9kg. Not anywhere NEAR my lowest weight in the past week, but I thought I was like 61 something... omg. THANK GOD.
TMI: And this is even though I didn't even take a decent shit... WOW. Sorryyyy

Greta, the white German Shepherd I used to have

Because I love you

Food!

I take no credit for any of this food. It was all stuff from blogs and stuff... Remember, it's all vegan <3

Thinspo!

Long Post (I'm sorry!)

I'm sorry for not posting for ages... I've been a total fatty and I've been b/p-ing like crazy for days. Sigh. I get 2 snow days in a row at least =) Yesterday and today. There's a crazy blizzard here. Or there was... now it's just snowing. So pretty though =)

So since I don't have much to say, I'll just put a bunch of pics here. Mkay?

Before we get started on this, I'd like to mention that any food pictured is totally vegan. Oh and I'll respond to comments because I LOVE YOU GIRLS SO FREAKING MUCH FOR COMMENTING. Thank you, thank you, thank you <3


NightFlower - thanks =) I think everything's ok now xx I hope your week gets better too. Just seems like you haven't been very happy from your blog =(

Elara - Twilight's Mormon? Aw.. that makes me sad. I know a cute Mormon boy >.< Don't like him, but he's cool...

Amber - of course you can call me Mango ^_^ <3 The Newsboys are a seriously Christian band. According to Wiki, they're from Australia, founded in 1985. Damn they're old! Here's a pic of them...

Haha oh God... Oreos with peanut butter? Damnit! Now I kinda wanna try it. But no.. must not eat...

Kari - <3 Thank you. Your name reminds me of that one chick from Digimon ^_^ Love that show

Georgia - Omg I missed you <3 <3 I'm glad I'm not the only one who weighs 60 =(

Girl With Tiny Intentions - ^_^ Ha. That's all I can say. <3

Peanut - thanks =) They call me Vampire too o.O

JennShaggy - Sorry, I'd rather not say where in Ohio I live. Privacy and all >.<


So I don't know... I feel like I really shouldn't be blogging. I mean, it seems like most girls want to be attractive, want guys to like them (or girls)... And I'm like... meh I really don't want anyone to like me. The idea of sex or even being found attractive by anyone is repulsive. Terrifying. Sigh. But then I don't really want to leave because there are girls who don't seem to care about guys/girls... So confusing. Oh well. Picture time! I need to stop throwing up >.<


You know what? I'm doing a separate post for all the photos >.<