9/25/16

So I went to the doctor on Tuesday. She decided to diagnose me with bulimia and strongly recommend that I take anxiety medication. Fuck no. If I was going to seek help for my supposed anxiety, it would not be by shoving a bunch of chemicals into my body and praying for the best. That's fucking stupid. I hate doctors.

Besides that I've been insanely tired, like falling asleep all the time and not having the energy for anything.

My psycho coworker is still being cunt-y as hell. Whatever.

I've been reading more blogs recently but since I'm trying to read like, everything from the beginning, I haven't actually been commenting on current posts. I will as soon as I catch up <3

9/18/16

@Bella - Thank you. I know you aren't a preachy person, don't worry <3

But quitting smoking was honestly insanely easy the first time. It was literally a matter of "nah I'm bored with this. I'd rather read a book." and giving my roommate at the time (who smoked the same brand of cigarettes) the rest of my last pack, since that was a convenient way to dispose of them. If she didn't smoke, I probably would have thrown them out.

I'm trying not to purge anymore. I'd rather eat less than worry about my boyfriend hearing me throwing up after I eat anything.

With all the overeating/food related illness out there, like diabetes, heart problems, being overweight - food is just scary.

9/12/16

I worked 8.5 hours Saturday and 5.5 yesterday.

I've been throwing up a lot, and not really eating much.

My head won't stop spinning.

I think I might start smoking again. Like, for real.

not me

9/4/16

I can't believe it's September. What in fuck.

I've been throwing up everything I eat this week, and I haven't really gone over 800 calories (if I had kept it down). So I've been super dizzy and my stomach hurts. Oh well. My right hand is all scratched up. It's making me laugh.

I lost a family member on Thursday. I found out half an hour before I had to be at work. I still went to work because no one can cover my shifts. I also worked 10:30am to about 9pm yesterday. 20 minute break. I had a panini (all veggies - I made it myself) and actually kept it down. It felt weird. I still felt dizzy all day so I guess it wasn't too much food. Hopefully. It was really busy so I was running around the entire time I was at work.

I started smoking again. Well. I'm not saying started. I have been smoking the past few days while at work. My coworker knows about what happened on Thursday and she's been dragging me out for smoke breaks and I haven't been trying to say no. But I'll quit soon. My boyfriend hates that I've been smoking, though he does understand why I've been doing it. But I don't want to lose him.