53.9

To answer a question - I'm about 5'2.5" - 5'3".

Hmm update.

It's not pretty. As you can tell by my weight.

4th of July, I wore my size 2 jeans for the first time. They fit perfectly. Yay!

Then everything went downhill.

We went to a party and I got horribly drunk. Throwing up/passing out drunk. Apparently while I was drunk, I ranted about how I thought I was horribly fat and made myself throw up. Also, a random guy there (not a creeper) said that when he saw me, he was hoping I was single and he told my fiance he's really jealous of him. Haha. God I dunno.

Woke up at 52.7.

Yay?

Nope.

All-day hangover.

Then had a sleepover at the dieting friend's house. She's on her diet. She ate 5-6 pieces of cheese pizza covered in honey mustard. We stayed up all night playing a scary game and drinking chocolatey coffee. That's basically been it.

The boy made tofu today and he was all happy as fuck cause it turned out well.

<3

54.1

I'm a fucking fat ass.

I'll be better.

I promise.

Haven't weighed myself yet today.

Probably should do that.

Haha.

Whatever.

<3

Thank you for reading my blog.

On period, not weighing myself.

Might be moving to New Jersey.

Boy just came out here to check on me. (I sit outside with the big, scary half-pit bull dog named Duchess when I want to go online. She loves me and scares away people who try to bother me. ^_^)

Didn't hang out with "special food" dieting friend because the day we planned to have a sleepover was the day my period started and I was like... yeah not gonna happen.

<3

54.0

Well I'm a fat fuck. And no, that is obviously not a picture of me. >_<

My mom messaged me back. She's actually pretty chill about me staying here. =)

Waiting for the boy to get back home. Blah. He's been gone since about 5:30am. Lame... -_-

And I have a sleepover tomorrow. With a fat girl trying to diet. She needs special "diet foods" that she had to order online in order to do so and supposedly she can lose 10lbs a week on this diet. I've seen her recently. She hasn't lost any weight.

I'll be good, though I'm sure she'll want to get pizza and chips and horrible things like that.

XD

Love you!

53.7kg

Nothing to talk about really. I told my mom I'm not going back to Miami, the university I went to last year. That I'm staying here with my fiance, not with her. We'll see what she says. She's out of the country right now so I guess I'll have to wait a bit for a response.

<3

54.3kg

I got down to 53.8 but I dunno what happened... I've been eating about 250-300cals a day, so I decided my metabolism needs a boost... I'll drink more coffee now. =) Black, of course.

Akira came from Kira (the guy in the Death Note), but then the fiance realized he had a sister named Kira, so we decided to name the puppy Akira. =)

Thought this was interesting...

Dunno what to say...

Apparently I have a new best friend here... we got drunk together and ended up making out after having some coffee since she has a thing against doing anything sexual with anyone who's drunk. She got jealous of my collar cause she said it's prettier than hers. XD (It is, no lie. Mine was custom-made, hers is just black leather and it doesn't have any elegance or anything so...blah.) She got me into Ted Dekker though! I'm reading The Bride Collector right now. Also trying to get through the Percy Jackson books... they're a very nice light read. =)

Should update with a better weight in a few days. =)

Love you all!

54.0kg

Dunno. I was 55.2kg yesterday, went crazy on coffee/unsweetened iced tea (caffeinated - fiance makes it himself and I watch him like crazy to make sure he doesn't add anything to the tea ^_^ so delicious!), freaked out because the fiance got home after fixing both of his grandmas' netbooks and said because I didn't eat the day before, I'd have to eat that night. Thankfully what he made was pretty good. This very subtle/sweet-ish onion sauce thing (not creamy) over a little bit of pasta (for me, he had a lot more because he knows I don't like big amounts of food) and I binged on about 7 gummy worms. Damnit. But then I woke up today and didn't have a bm (tmi I'm sorry!) and stepped on my scale and it was 54.0! YAY!

Feeling quite optimistic =) and my puppies are adorable! I'll post pictures of them asap. =) Their names are Akira and Z. =) I love them.

Thank you for the lovely comments by the way.

<3 I love you all!

57.2

Damnit damnit damnit. I can't read your blogs for the moment because my computer broke (well, the charger got chewed by puppies) but I will get back to that asap. On the fiance's computer at the moment (using the incognito mode on Google Chrome) to say that I'm finally losing weight, however little. I plan to keep this going obviously.

Btw - note about my weight. While it would be ideal, I don't actually weigh myself naked since I'm always wearing my collar, which is leather with metal on it. Probably adds weight but my logic on that is that since I always wear it, it makes sense that I wear it while weighing myself. What do you guys think?

Ugh can't post a picture because he can see the screen from where he's sitting and it's a fucking desktop. He's probably wondering why I'm on Blogger. Haha.

Love you guys.

Thanks for the comment by the way! It made me laugh. =)

57.7kg

This really loud, annoying girl came over yesterday.

One thing you have to understand about where I'm living. The place I'm living in is owned by Grandma. Not my grandma, but his...adopted-ish grandma. No one pisses her off. No one. She's crazy. She's also a wonderful friend and person, so staying on her good side is a really good idea.

I need to pee. So I'm going to weigh myself. Before I pee/shit. Yeah tmi sorry. Title is this weight.

Oh right. The annoying girl. Grandma doesn't want her on her property. Annoying girl is fat, has 2 kids (by 2 different guys, by choice), is 19, kicks puppies (literally), and yells at her baby (the one she has. The other one she isn't allowed to see anymore because of how abusive she was) calling her a fat fuck. She also likes to discuss sex. Loudly.

I was quite thankful for her presence though. And for my wisdom teeth coming in. Both are wonderful reasons to not eat, since Lover knows I get really anxious around people.

Anyway. Weighing time.

Oh God Oh God Oh God.

I'm terrified. Time to do this. With Lover sitting across the room from me playing Plants vs. Zombies. Adorable game btw.

Maybe I'll pee first?

I'm a fat fuck.

I need to pee.

.......

I'm sorry about this post.

<3

Thank you for the comments.

Don't want to talk today.

I'm slipping away and I'm scared.

But I think I'm slipping in a good way. A way that will make me thin.

I've been fucking way too much. Eating way too much. Terrified of weighing myself, mostly because my fiance keeps a close watch on my scale. Can't keep it on the floor or the puppies will get to it and fuck it up.

We're watching Meet Joe Black right now. Well, he is. I'm sitting here typing. Obviously.

Fuck my life.

Whatever.

Sigh.

I don't care about my weight anymore. He got mad at me for throwing up the other day. Yes, it was on purpose. And that's why he got mad. I'll hide it better next time. Fuck him. I'm not stopping. Ever. I'll do whatever I damn please.

How are you all? Why doesn't anyone blog anymore? T_T

Premarital life

The fiance/Master is sitting here playing Dark Souls on his 360. I'm sitting here fucking around on the internet. 1 dog and 2 of her puppies are passed out in various locations in the room.

I guess this is what my life will be like. I think I'm okay with this.

We have sex a lot. We've stopped using condoms. This doesn't terrify me as much as it probably should.

I think I'm crazy.

Picture of me?

Insomnia (warning: potential trigger post)

I can't sleep because some idiot won't shut up. It's...godfuckingknowswhattime. Oh. Right. 4:11am.

This is going to be really disjointed because the idiot keeps interrupting my train of thought.

Today I had sex for the first time since...well, since *it* happened. Nope. No details. I believe I spent a whole post bitching about it a few months ago, so if you would like to go look for that, be my guest.

Today is also the first time in weeks that I've cut. Dunno if that's related. It's not the first time I've wanted to cut. There have been plenty of those. But this is the first time I gave in. Fuck.

On the positive side, there's a cute puppy sleeping in my lap =) She's my baby Akira and I love her.

I went to a show with my fiance tonight. Some wrestling thing he was part of. I was easily the thinnest girl there. That's how fat the girls there were. Gross.

Hey the loud guy just got quiet... good! Maybe I can sleep now...

Though sleep involves going and cuddling close to my fiance. For some reason this is completely unappealing at the moment. Probably cause of my arm. Ugh.

Hm I've been told to go to sleep. By a friend. But I'm a whore who does whatever she's told to do.

By the way. Scale's broken. The boys (fiance and friend) somehow fixed (?) it the other day and I got on and it said 125.0, fully clothed with wet hair. I'm fat as fuck.

I'm sorry for failing you. Goodnight. <3

Georgia

I'm alive. Sorry for not updating. Umm... with my fiance in Georgia. We're uh.. living in a trailer... it's strange. I think I like this. Everything is so much more relaxed here. I'm still a bit fucked about food, perhaps more so, and I still love caffeine like crazy.

Hmm...

Thank you for your comment, Fixi. It's very flattering =)

Brought my scale. I'll weigh myself asap.

Obviously the fiance is watching my diet =( sigh.

Oh my God... Rockstar makes a total zero version! 0cals, 0carbs, blah blah blah. It's DELICIOUS. WAY better than sugarfree!

...Yep.

<3

Magic

New blog - YAY NEW BLOG! Click me?

Thank you, Anonymous. XD

I've started watching Black Butler. I can't stop giggling. Though that may be from getting about 5 hours of sleep total in the past 2 days...

Click me to make everything okay!

I'm in a really good mood today. Threw up salad and cheetos today. Haha. Which was all I ate. Drinking my second Rockstar. For some reason I'm really shaky... but it's okay! I'm also in a damn good mood!

Posted this on my other blog, but I thought I should put it here too!

I'll still post a few random pictures on this blog, but now all the food/thinspo stuff will go to the other one. =) Hopefully that makes my readers hate me a little less. T_T

Ummmm... I dunno what to talk about. I've been b/p-ing like crazy. Given up on school. All I want to do is b/p. And talk about how much I hate myself. Haha.

Whatever.

NO I WILL BE HAPPY DAMNIT.

And yes I have been reading your blogs, but you lovely ladies need to update more! Grrrrrrrr.........

PostSecret is getting lame. =/ Or maybe it's just me..

Ahaha... God what am I on...

At least I know one person reads this! Oh wait... maybe they just scrolled down to the end and saw I didn't have any comments... er... awkward. ;-_-

I'm going home this weekend... I hope my arm heals by then. =/

I love you.

<3

(Current song - Bonamana by Super Junior)

Wasted

Reading it makes me want to stop throwing up all the time...weird... o_O or maybe not?

Ugh I'm sick T_T it sucks

And no, I decided there's actually a high (enough) chance that I'll come back to MU that I don't want to cancel this stuff.

I feel like all I do is post pictures. I haven't weighed myself in ages and I've been bingeing like a fiend. Throwing up? Yes, but not enough. 126.2 today. After drinking a bottle of vitamin water zero. What the fuck. I was expecting 130 something. I guess that's good? I dunno. I hate being fat.

....Looking at this post makes me realize I should start another blog for pictures... haha. I think I'll do that. =)

Ooo yay something to do! -_-

La dee da.

Hey. =)

Bulletproof Messenger and Kamelot are awesome bands. =)

Sorry for not commenting recently... I'll be way better about that! I promise! <3

Picture post

Why? Because I can. Organization -

Random cool/funny stuff I found.

Thinspo

Amusing (potentially triggering in an ED related way, not meant to be though) link

And so, we commence.

Amount of sugar per drink. Holy shit... T_T (Water = 0)

Notice their shoes =) Possible trigger, I apologize, I was just happy that things like this exist...

Nintendo Collection, for my nerdier readers <3

Commence: Thinspo

And the link...

Just Say No To Bread

Sorry for not posting really. I have two (minimum of) 10 page papers to write. I have 1 page done. Out of twenty. Fuck my life.

I know, it's my fault. They're due at the end of the semester and one of them my teacher just started mentioning last week and the other one the teacher is like "uh yeah you'll have this paper due eventually... I'll tell you more about it later..." yeah that's helpful. -_-

Anyway.

I love you. <3 Yes. You. Right there. The one sitting there reading this crap and putting up with it. YOU. No not the person next to you. YOU DAMNIT. I LOVE YOU.

<3

A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy” | The Current Conscience

A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not “Crazy” | The Current Conscience

I know, it's long, you're tired and you've had a long day and you're like, fuck this reading shit. Though probably with less swearing.

But do read it. The word choices make it easy to read despite its length and I think the message is wonderful, especially for us who have trouble talking about problems. I know this is a big problem for me so I thought some others in our little community might appreciate this article as well.


I love you. <3

Homesick as fuck.

I hate when people talk about how much they hate spending time with their extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc.) who live down the street/in the next city. Just shut up. You're lucky. I have to get a special pass to get into the city where my grandmother and ONLY cousin live, and that's after 14 hours on a plane. So really. Just shut the fuck up. Okay?

125.2

Fuck.

Probably water weight considering I didn't eat yesterday but still. Fuck.

5pm ish right now. Okay, 5:20 actually. Haven't eaten all day and really don't want to. The idea of eating is kinda making me nervous.

Who is this mysterious Fixi who commented my blog...? o_O You don't seem like the usual audience for a blog like this, but your comments are still appreciated. =)

Er...I feel like I should have something to talk about but I really don't. Going all disconnected still. Haha. The world's not really real. It's okay though. I like it this way. =)

Forgot to mention. I've been drinking those Starbucks light frappes recently. Except I can't actually drink a whole bottle even though it's 100cals. So I end up having about 1/3 of a bottle a day and feeling like a wasteful bitch.

Haha. Oh well. Vitamin water zero ftw?

Btw can I be her?

No?

Okay... T_T

Lacuna Coil? <3

See if you can spot the girl in the picture... XD

Loved one album they did... then they stopped singing in Latin and I was like, well shit... T_T

Saw this on PostSecret <3 Loved it!

I'm in a really black/white/rainbows mood. Did that make sense? Haha probably not.

Being fat sucks...

Oh well I'll be thin. <3 Promise!




I love you.