August 13, 2017

8/13/2017

Hm. Not sure what to say really. I've decided to take days off from eating to relieve stress. Who needs to eat every day? I have to eat today but tomorrow will be a blissful break from that <3

August 06, 2017

8/6/17

My coworker made a joke about me self harming last night. That was not what I needed. I'm really trying to quit and I'm doing pretty well. It's been a few months since my last slip up.
This is the same coworker who is one of those slutty *gamer girls* who plays one or two games a little bit and thinks she's a hardcore gamer.
Ugh.

July 30, 2017

7/30/17

I'm in this strange place where I'm slowly but very surely falling toward the "I don't care. What's the point of eating ever again?" mindset. The scary part is that it's starting to slip into drinking as well. The act of drinking water even seems greedy and selfish and unclean.

On the positive side, my sprained foot is healing well I think. It's hurting a lot less.

July 09, 2017

7/9/17

Throwing up.
Blood.
It was brown.
At least I think it was blood because I hadn't eaten anything brown or even remotely close.
Lately I've just been drinking water to throw it up.
Fuck food.



I'd rather not eat than throw up blood though. And obviously eating isn't the issue, but the fact that I love the feeling of control I get when my fingers are deep in my throat.
I'm pretty sure my fingers are permanently scarred from my teeth hitting them.
The scars make me smile.

It's all about control.

July 02, 2017

7/2/17

Drank and threw up a bottle of wine for breakfast. Everything kept moving, even when I was sitting down. Nothing ever stays still. Nothing feels permanent. It feels so delicate. Like a thin ice wall about to break.