November 30, 2015


Picture of a meal I had once. Never again. I went grocery shopping yesterday (for 2 weeks worth of food)
-one package rice cakes (14 total) (35 calories each)
-one bag frozen peppers/onions (25 calories per cup, 4 cups in the bag!)
-pack of string cheese (60 calories each, 12 in the pack - this will probably last me like a month or more)
-veggie burgers (pack of 4, 120 calories each)
-8 fruit/nut bars. I'm taking them to work so if I need a snack, I can have one.

and I still have apples at home

Yay super healthy food =) Now my boyfriend (who lives with me) can't bitch about me not eating enough haha.

November 29, 2015


Meal from a few days ago. I didn't eat the carrots though. Steamed carrots aren't my thing >_<

The fasting thing was an awful fucking idea. Kept greying out at work and needing to hold on to stuff, which is not what you need when you're the only one who knows what they're doing in a busy restaurant kitchen. Ugh. Fuck. Need to re-evaluate. But I don't want to eat a lot of calories. Fuck fuck fuck. Maybe 200 calories a day? That should be enough to keep me from feeling like shit, right?

November 28, 2015


I've figured out what I'm doing with my diet.
Fasting for varied hours, then breaking the fast with a little bit of food, then going back to fasting. It'll be for short amounts of time, barely considered fasting, so I think I'll be okay energy-wise.

Current plan:
32 hours fasting
69 hours fasting
Cup of chickpeas
19 hours fasting
55 hours fasting
Sushi (my guilty pleasure T_T)

However, I'll be drinking as much water/tea as I want. Hydration's important, and without it I would definitely feel like absolute crap, even for that little time.

November 26, 2015


What my meals used to look like. Except I'd have 3 meals about this size every day (about 300 calories max per day) and I'd end up binging like every other day. So... not gonna happen again. Now I'm actually preparing super normal, but mini/low-cal, meals like twice a day.

Examples of prepared meals include:
-mini pizza (half an english muffin, slice of tomato, thin slice of cheese)
-rice with onion/chickpeas or steamed broccoli
-salad (lettuce, onion, tomato, veggie burger)

Or I'll have a piece of fruit (apple/orange) or instant oatmeal.

Sadly, today is Thanksgiving, which makes me anxious as fuck.
There's literally no way to keep this day low calorie, but I'm going to try my damn hardest.

I also really, really want to do a long fast. But I'm not sure how that will work with my active job and classes =/ oh well. I'll figure it out. Maybe carry an energy bar or caloric drink with me wherever I go, so if I need to break the fast a little to get some food, I can.

not me

November 25, 2015


Looking all fat and shit.

I'm not going grocery shopping until this weekend and the only safe food left in my apartment is instant oatmeal (160cals, have about 5 packets left) and steamed veggies (they're frozen, come in 5lb bags, super convenient). Sadly, I also have Thanksgiving tomorrow. Fml. Since there'll be quite a few people there (my mom likes inviting other families/grad students who have no family nearby to holiday celebrations), it should be easy to just get away with picking at my food.

I'm working today, Friday, and Saturday, which should be fun. Well, not fun, but burn loads of calories. Hopefully any potential customers will be too busy doing Thanksgiving stuff with their families and won't come in to the restaurant (where I work in the kitchen.. lmao) for dinner.

not me, though I wish it was

November 24, 2015


I've been going completely crazy on tea. How could I not, when I got these gorgeous tea cups (well, technically coffee cups, but who's keeping track?) from my grandmother? They used to belong to my aunt (the one who died from anorexia when I was in junior high =/) and my grandmother wanted to see them be used for once, so when everyone else in my family had turned them down (they aren't really tea-drinkers), I happily accepted and carried them by hand through airport security into the states =)

Plan for today:
Oatmeal (160)
Chips (150)
Candy (50)
Gum (15)
Fucktons of tea

Total: (I don't count tea T_T) 375

(not me)

November 21, 2015

I'm back!

I'm not sure if anyone's still around. Or if anyone will read this. But I'm back. I've been trying to get out of this toxic world of fucked up eating, but it's clearly not working, so I'm admitting defeat and going back to my old haunts (and new ones - I've also been hanging out on a site called MPA, as well as having an active Tumblr). But I miss Blogger, I miss following people and reading their stories and day-to-day challenges and thoughts. I miss the friends I've made (and lost) through blogs. I want all that back, and I will be skinny damnit. I'm an adult now (22 years old last month), so nothing will stop me.