December 29, 2010

New Years

I haven't figured out what I'm doing for it yet. The idea of mixing every pill I can find and vodka is tempting though... But I think I should make new years resolutions. I know it's total shit, but I like traditions. Haha. So... new years resolutions

-Get under 100lbs (should be easy... and much easier to know if I achieve it if I get a freaking scale... GAH)
-Stop sticking my fingers down my throat
-Stop falling for guys

3 is a nice number =)

Haha so I've barely been sleeping lately... If anyone's an insomniac and wants a midnight (or 4am XD) texting buddy, comment or email me... Or if you just want a texting buddy.

So something... odd has been happening recently. Example: I was exercising last night and I really didn't want to do any more crunches and it was like I was arguing with this voice in my head and eventually I gave in. It was kinda...scary. I always thought I was in control

My stepdad keeps saying he doesn't think I eat =/ Sigh. This means he's happily stuffing food down my throat whenever he sees me. I'm already too fat =/ This is killing me

Sorry about how scattered this post is >.< I just don't really have anything interesting to talk about


Do any of you have new years resolutions? =)

December 25, 2010


So I'm in MD. I'm kinda nervous about blogging from here, but I NEED to blog!

Konrad, who are you? o.O

For those who don't know.... The Kindle is Amazon's reader. It's this little device you can read books on. And listen to music and go on the internet, but mostly it's for reading. I already read Fight Club on it and now I'm reading this interesting book called Restricted (Yep it's an ED one). I adore it =D

We're (my stepmom and I, my dad is sulking in his room cause he hates metal) listening to metal... it's calming =) Metallica, Dragonforce, Black Sabbath, Rob Zombie, AC/DC, Aerosmith... the good stuff!

Ugh there's been so much eating recently. And not anywhere enough exercise. We went to the park last night and I was acting like a hyper kid and I ran and it felt so perfect, so right... I love running =)

I got a cute new black coat from Guess for Christmas. And a pile of money haha. Um... yeah XD Rest of the stuff isn't worth mentioning.


I miss my computer! I'm on a Mac! The horror O.O


Love, Vampire

December 20, 2010


I can blog from this baby. Fuck yeah.
Vampire is happy.

Miss you lovely ladies <3

December 19, 2010

Tortured bliss

Fuck if I know what I'm talking about.

I can feel myself gaining and I hate myself for it. My mom's leaving tomorrow before I get home from school. She's going to Russia for 2 weeks. So it'll just be my stepdad and me here. I hope he doesn't make me eat. He probably won't, but who knows?

chaotic beauty <3

unbeautiful haha thank you that made me smile =) And yeah, I love killing hill and ice giants on Runescape ^_^ Hill giants are like level 28, so great for ranging.. *nerd*

Thank you for the comments, ladies =) I really appreciate it.

My stepsiblings are coming over today (any minute actually) and my mom expects me to eat with them... Sigh. I'll just tell her I had a big breakfast or something.

I've kind of... forgotten about D. No, not forgotten. Just like... my mind has, if that makes sense? All that matters now is losing weight, exercising, avoiding food, GETTING TO A FUCKING SCALE.... Who has time for boys?

He keeps trying to get back with me and he's being really persistent, but I don't have time for boys. I'm too fat to be in a relationship.

I keep reading on blogs/PT (yeah I'm back on PT! Though I might leave... ugh... whatever, not the point) that like... girls want to keep their boobs and butt and stuff even when they lose weight. Because they want to be attractive to guys.

Am I just fucked up cause I don't want to seem attractive to guys at all? I just want to disappear from their sight... from everyone... I don't deserve to live, to breathe, to consume anything. I'm too fat, disgusting, stupid, pathetic, ugly.... I could go on for ages.

Though I'm sure you girls don't read my blog to hear be bitching about life (not really sure why you read it... but hey, I have followers! YAY!) so I'm just gonna stop here...


December 18, 2010

Numb (I feel so numb...)

unbeautiful.. the pills thing is more for legal reasons than anything else. >.< Temptation's always there and I can quite easily hurt myself without anything besides my nails. And I'm not laughing about your names ^_^ Well... not to your face anyway =P

D and I are over. Sigh. Ah well. Whatever. I'll find someone else. Or just be alone. I have a bag of almonds in my room. Not really sure how that happened... I keep forgetting stuff. I'll be somewhere and I'll have no memory of getting there. I had my calc exam yesterday. Hahaha. It was a fucking joke. I don't know shit.

Mom's still on this eating thing with me. I think that's how the almonds got here.

I really thought he was the one. I can't believe it's over... completely over... Is it really over?

But it is. He keeps saying he knew he would lose me, he wants me back and he'll do anything... but it can never happen. No matter what.

I'm sorry for being so fucking emo =/

Until It Sleeps (S&M) by Metallica is fucking amazing

December 16, 2010

J'aimerais tellement

I don't know.

Comments make me happy =)

Jenn and unbeautiful, yeah we can be friends on RS ^_^ My name's UndeadMango... Don't laugh -.- I'm probably changing it soon anyway XD And yeah... just for the record, it really is worth paying if you play a lot, cause the members only skills/quests freaking OWN. You have no idea!

Iris, thank you ^_^ I did enjoy mine! This is my last year of snow days... college next year =( Ahh...

I broke a nail today >.< It was all bloody and gross.

So... D has said I should blog about him. And since I love him to death (shut up shut up shut up he's not like the other guys I know he's not... he's perfect) I decided I'll do that ^_^ Hmm... what about him though? Besides how adorable and sweet and loving and perfect he is... Haha. I'm sure you lovely readers would get bored reading that. Though for the record, I've never blogged that about ANYONE else.


Calc final is tomorrow. I'm going to fail and I don't give a fuck as long as it's not a WF.

I'm fat. That's about all I know about my weight. Sigh. I got more pills. They're tempting, but D is more tempting so I'll stay away from them for now =)

I'm thinking I shouldn't carry them in my purse (at school) though... Could get in trouble. Not like they search our stuff, and they definitely wouldn't search mine cause I'm a perfect student, but ya know...


Ugh my English teacher is being a creeper. He remembers everything I say... It scares me =/

And on that note...

They Always Come Back by I Am Ghost <3

I love you and D <3

Byes! <3 <3


December 13, 2010

Snow Day

The plan for today (Yay I have a plan!)
-Clean (to make the parents happeh and give me something to do)
-Runescape cause I'm a nerd
-Sprite Zero (have I mentioned my love for this? IT'S SO FUCKING AMAZING!)

Hmm.... I think that's it =)

Elara, Runescape isn't free for me XD I pay for a membership cause... well, it's 100x better with a membership!

Thank you for the kind comments, Elara and Sophie <3

So I've been thinking... people binge when they don't get enough sleep (at least, I'm sure that's at least one major cause of it), so instead of stuffing calories down your throat, why can't you just take some sleep meds (NOT OVERDOSE!) and sleep? It's good for you and most of us probably don't get enough sleep anyway... Yeah this is probably pathetically obvious but you chose to read my blog so now you have to deal with my stupidity ^_^ Or I suppose you could leave, but that would make me sad =(

I'm currently listening to Soldiers of the Wasteland by Dragonforce =) I love it

And I want to say this to anyone who comments my blog... I will follow your blog if you comment mine (and actually read it, obviously XD) unless you don't know how to capitalize, spell reasonably well (everyone, including me, makes mistakes sometimes...), or use proper punctuation and grammar. So if your blog is "hai todai i eated a pice offf stoof" then I'm really not going to waste my time deciphering it... XD I just wanted to say that. In case someone gets offended that I'm not following them. But I think I do follow most of my (few >.< But very much loved and appreciated!) commenters...

Love all of you lovely ladies! (And any guys who read this too, of course ^_^)

December 11, 2010


What's that? Haha. I don't really plan anymore. I'm too busy not knowing what I'm doing to plan.

Iris, no I haven't read Duma Key... but I'll definitely get it with my lunch money when I go to the airport! Thanks! ^_^

Night Flower, first... I MISS YOU ALREADY <3 <3 <3 Sigh... truth about the toes thing XD That's what warm socks/boots are for ^_^

dearestana, miss you <3 You should blog more ^_^ And so true about them never being small enough =/

Current weight: 500kg

Calc ended last week. I just have an exam this Friday.

This one teacher at my school died last Friday. It's kinda... scary. She was really, really fat. 30 years old. And by fat, I mean like her back was enormous and like there was a hump of fat... If that makes sense? Definitely morbidly obese. And she died during an operation cause of like a blood clot they think. I don't really know how to react. I didn't know her, but I saw her in the halls a lot. My teachers are really upset about it though.

I'm just going to go play Runescape and forget anything happened.

Current background:

December 05, 2010


Iris, yeah Stephen King is awesome <3 Haha. The book Insomnia's pretty good....

Elara, hey =D Thank you for the comment! That was really sweet =) Your blog looks nice, I think I'll follow it =)

Night Flower, haha we have had snow! Friday morning it was so pretty! I always leave a little before 7 (ok, now that I think about it, it's actually 6:45am....) and when I was outside the sky was this like.. velvety dark blue and there were snowflakes just drifting down. It was so beautiful and peaceful. Well, it looked peaceful, since I had my Metallica turned up really loud.... Haha. Yeah I adore snow <3

So I've decided to weigh myself in kg next time I get to a scale. Why? Because my goal weight (30kg) is in kg.... Er, ok, that's kinda obvious from the parentheses... I swear I'm not trying to insult your intelligence! I'm just having a stupid moment.

Hmm nothing exciting really. I have far too much homework and exams... Ugh. 2 more weeks until I go to Maryland! I'm not sure if I should be excited or not...

Ugh. I feel so fat. I probably weigh like 5000kg. Yep.