May 26, 2011


I don't know what happened. The night before last, there was broken glass. I was playing with it and suddenly there was blood pouring out of my hands. It was...surreal. Is this really happening? When I went to rinse them off, the blood just kept coming out...the water was all red... so of course I told my stepdad, cause it was...fuck I couldn't think...I felt so bad about it though... there are people dealing with real problems and I'm crying about a few cuts... I mean, I'm a cutter..I'm used to cuts...what the fuck is wrong with me?


Fuck I don't know.

The last day of high school was yesterday. Graduation's Sunday.

Did I mention I'm hosting a French student for a few days this summer?

I started a blog for my writing... please don't refer to this blog if you comment it or anything. I want to keep it separate as I might share it with people who I don't want knowing about my weirdness.
Here's the link... Writings of a Mango

I'm listening to Viz by Le Tigre. I really like it. It makes me happy =)

I have to see my dad on Sunday. I hope he doesn't call me fat.

May 15, 2011

131.6lbs - 59.6kg

At least it's a loss. Sigh. Went all day on diet coke, it was great. Had about...8oz? I wasn't really counting, since it's so low-cal. Then I did some pushups at night. Then I fucking BINGED. was probably no more than 400cals...but STILL. Oh fuck ew. I think it's still in me T_T least diet coke is a natural laxative!

I'm writing a paper on anorexia for psych right now. How fucking wonderful. A constant reminder of how enormously fat I am! Haha

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post <3 I hope I can write something that's worth your time to read! <3 <3 <3 Stephen King is so inspiring :3


May 14, 2011

Scream until your heart stops

If you know where the title came from, you get a gold star =)

Weight yesterday: 133.4lbs


Short term weight goal: 130.4 by Monday morning

And you know what, bitches? This WILL happen.

Diet coke is God. Kay? Cool.

I threw up way too much yesterday. Sigh. I shouldn't do that again. I won't do it again. (Please, God, don't let me do it again....)

I'm kinda considering writing short stories. Ha. I'm a shit writer, but I'll try...I have a wonderful image in my mind. Now the question is if I can translate it into words. If it turns out well, I might start another blog (on this account) with my writings. Would anyone want to read that? >.<

Don't really know what else to say. Graduation's May 29. I'm scared.

May 11, 2011

I want to die

Weight: unknown

AP exams Monday and Tuesday. We get out of school at 10:30 for them. And of course my friends are all "let's go out for lunch!" since the afternoon exams start at 12. Fuck. I don't even want to know how much I weigh. I'm terrified.

I went out to the store and got a 6-pack (oh oh I'm so hardcore! lmao) of diet coke - 144oz total of pure, caffeinated, low-calorie goodness. At 1 calorie per 8oz, it's 18 calories total =) Isn't that just so cool? It makes me happy =)

Umm..umm..I don't really know what else to talk about...


I'll try to avoid shitty friends so I have a happy post next time =)


May 10, 2011

Reverse thinspo

I'll post about how shitty of a person I am tomorrow.

For now, enjoy this lovely picture of the girl who sits next to me in one of my classes. Ah Facebook... <3

She's really sweet but...uhh...>.> Yeahh

I'll look like her soon!

May 07, 2011


Fuck. My. Life.

Actually fuck my fat ass. Kthxbai

Over 2k views o.O Wow....I feel special =D

I'm listening to Where Butterflies Never Die by Broken Iris. It's very relaxing =)

Yay comments, comments!

Oh God... You lovely ladies totally made me blush... and I never said that was me >.> Though it is T_T

Just Another Ordinary Girl - it was the AP Spanish exam. I have the AP physics one on Monday and AP French on Tuesday. Thanks =D

Haha I was angry in the dad spent like 5 minutes (no exaggeration!) convincing me to sit still long enough to take the picture XD

I haven't fallen in love with a girl yet...but it could easily happen =3

Haha I just told my friend I'm blogging and he's all "I WANNA READ IT!" and I'm like -_-


Sadly this is the friend who was about to kill himself recently =/ The one who's in love with me... Oh fuck. It's terrifying how close he always seems to be to being gone...I love him, I need him...He's honestly my best friend...

I just painted my nails Dark Room by OPI ^_^
The color, though NOT my nails. I bite my nails too much T_T I really should stop...ugh

So we did this trippy guided meditation thing in English yesterday... we had to walk through some woods and a meadow and run into a person holding a box and then you either recognized the person or not. And then there was either something in the box or not. In mine? I ran into Jesus. He was carrying a little box in the palm of his hand. There was a little bag of 5 dark-ish mint green pills in the box...In conclusion, Jesus gave me drugs.

Holy shit! I was Googling green pills, to try to provide a visual, since I had NO idea what pills are GREEN. These pills are damn close to what was in the box...
The caption under this result in Google Images? "Meizitang slimming green pills" Thank you, God! I understand what you want from me now! Haha

Yep. Even Jesus thinks I'm fat. Woot.

So I'm either lesbian or asexual...Hmm...

This one?
Or this one?

I kinda like the idea of being smarter than yeast...

Mom's gone for a month. Graduation is May 29. Let's see how much weight I can lose by then! Ugh... GO AWAY, MIA

I need to stop throwing up. 10-ish times in the past 2 days...Oh well. I've been worse. *sigh*

Love you all <3

May 03, 2011

Hey, look! Reverse thinspo!

It was a windy day...okay? Though that doesn't excuse the fat...sigh

I'll do a proper post sometime. I promise. I just feel sick and shit. Had an AP test this morning and was in the hospital for ODing Wednesday night and I'm still pissed off at myself for that. 

Thank you all for your LOVELY comments <3 I don't know what I would do without you...

Especially want to thank Kes for her comment cause made me feel special ^_^

Amber - -hug- I'm sorry you feel like it's a sin... =/

Hm..I should probably address that, since I've gotten so many lovely comments about it...
Well, I do DEFINITELY have a crush on a girl. So I told my mom and she just kinda glared at me, called me a liar, and left it alone. I told my former best friend and he was like "I've been waiting to hear that for never really liked guys" which made me really happy, cause that's exactly how I feel =) Beyond that, I don't know what's going on. But..yep...that's it so far. And no, I don't feel like it's wrong or anything. You can't control who you like. I don't want to. Yeah, there's actually something I don't want to control in my life XD