September 30, 2010


I'm sorry for going all MIA >.< You all must think I'm a horrible blogger =(

What happened was my mom took away my scale cause she said I was losing too much weight. Sigh. She's also making me eat more. More sighs. I have decided to counter this with more exercising. But I just wasn't sure if I should post, since I don't know how much I weigh. I'll guess 500lbs, just to be on the safe side. Haha. Hey, at least the mirror agrees with me!

My 17th birthday is October 26. A Tuesday. I have piano lessons on Tuesday evenings. My mom wants to pull me out of my lesson that day and take me out to dinner. At a vegan restaurant. Ugh. Ok, I love the fact that there are vegan restaurants, so it's easy for vegans to eat out. But the thing is, this eliminates my "oh, I guess I'll just have a lettuce salad cause nothing else is vegan" excuse. Shittt. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll fake sick? Ugh.

Nothing eventful has happened really. Ohh... I did get a new boy! Err... kinda. Haha. He lives in Maryland, but we might meet up over winter break because my dad/stepmom+family live down there. Soo... that could be interesting! We've been texting almost nonstop and he seems really cool. =)

...Haha. Yeah, that's about as exciting as my life gets. I really want to go have a crazy binge and throw it all up. That's so tempting. I kind of did that on Tuesday because I had a two hour delay (some teacher meeting thing) and my parents left early, so I had about an hour and a half to myself. I spent an hour of it eating and throwing up. It felt so damn good. >.<


September 21, 2010


Current weight: 123.6lbs

Huh. So even with that horrible binge, I still managed to lose. Though I suspect water weight.

This is a really short post cause I have to leave soon for piano. But I just wanted to say this...

I got 101% on my Spanish test! And the teacher was going on about how we sucked at it and all, and I got the highest score in the class even though I'm in Spanish 4 and I've only had 2 years of Spanish, unlike all my classmates. Anyways... Gotta go!

Love you!

September 20, 2010


Current weight: 124.4lbs.

Ugh. Freaking bloating. And I've had approximately FAR TOO FUCKING MANY calories today. You know what? I'll just list it. It's been a horrid binge-y day.

-Mini bagel (100cals exactly)
-Steamed baby carrots (10cals)
-C&S half a tofurkey sandwich (5cals, for anything I swallowed)
-Starbucks black coffee (hot... Omg holding it felt so good! 2.5cals since I had about half during my calc exam today)
-glass of rice milk (100cals)
-oreo (70cals)

...Ugh. I feel fat. So total for today is uh... I suck at math. Probably failed my calc exam. Err... 287.5. Wait. Um. Someone wanna check my math? XD

Oh and the camera on my phone broke. Like it'll take for freaking ever to load, then it'll go back to the screen where you select "camera" "camcorder" or "voice memo" Fuck. That means no pics until I get a new phone or get it fixed. Like you guys actually wanted pics of me... XD

I'm making peanut butter stuffed chocolate cookies for my French class on Thursday (class is Friday). Heh. I'm quite excited about this. I love the idea of making other people fatter, since as y'all see by my weight, I'm most definitely getting fatter. >.<

I'm sorry for being such a failure blogger =( I'm just trying to be honest and all, but apparently that's a bad idea when you're such a fat pig.

Oh and Alba, thanks for the comment =D I'm following you now. Your blog seems new, so welcome to the blogging world! ^_^

Woot... Hopefully the next time I post I'll be thin!

And for those of you who are crazy, or bored, there are links to my slightly more frequently updated food porn and thinspo blogs to the right --> ...Yep. XD

Love y'all <3 Thank you for reading and making me feel special!

September 11, 2010


He's cool. I'm reading Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder right now. It's very good and very distracting. Ha. I want to read Plato's Republic next. =)

Current weight: 124.2
This was after eating a strawberry soy yogurt for breakfast. Hm. I really have no idea how I lost weight, considering I've been eating like a fat pig recently. But I suppose I shouldn't complain.

Nothing interesting to say really. Sigh. I'm very tired. Like, mentally tired. But I thought I should post so my 1 follower (wow! I already have a follow! Thank you, Sophie!) doesn't think I died or gave up on blogging or something.

Ha. Like I could ever give up on blogging. I love this world too much. I love all of you too much. I read so many blogs that I never comment... I should probably fix that, yes? Like, start commenting all your lovely blogs. =)

I had an argument with an ex last night. Basically, I called him an idiot and he sent me a pile of crap which I really can't decipher. He's not very smart. I don't know why I put up with him for so long. I guess I just liked being worshiped. But it still hurt that some idiot thought *I* was stupid. I mean, I'm the m-f-ing vampire (as my best friend says), some idiot shouldn't be bringing down my self esteem!

Oh and my (unofficially adoptive) little brother wanted me to post this on my blog. I was attempting to explain to him why people with eating disorders have relationship issues. Tell me what y'all think. =)

"Self starvation is characterized by a denial of needs and desires and a desire to become nothing to prove you don't need anything, not even space or air. With this denial of needs and desires comes a fear of them, including other people's needs and desires, especially people who are close to you.You don't want to get infected with their thoughts and think it's actually ok to need or desire anything because you damn well know it's not ok."

Sent around 12:45am. I get very philosophical and stupid at night.

<3 Love you for reading this.

September 03, 2010


Hiya! Alright, so I'm not going to do the whole crappy first post thing. I'm just going to jump into this because this is somewhere between my 5th and 10th blog. XD I switch too much. But I think I'll stick with this one =D Blogger seems to have recently acquired all the things I thought only WordPress had, which is awesome.

So first, a pic. Sigh. Morning weight (after a ridiculous 1000cal day... good God I'm fat) - 125.4
My lovely bracelet that I made recently... It makes me feel less alone, even though I realize it's been overdone and most of us don't use it anymore.
My addiction =)
And something that made me very happy last week
Yeah that's me XD The necklace is a Scorpio thing from Russia.

Wooooo... I really don't know what to say.

I don't want to go over my diet plan because I don't want anyone following it or getting ideas from it. Which would be very easy. I had this whole list of things I wanted to talk about, but I think I'll just leave it at this.