July 30, 2011


Hm I regained a follower =)

So apparently I still lost a little weight after b/p-ing a handful of almonds... that's comforting, cause now I want a pb&j sandwich! Haha XD Oh I'm such a fatass. Maybe I'll just make a salad. Purge it of course.

I don't know what I'll do if I can't purge in college =(


Fatass fatass fatass.

I lost a follower.

I'm sorry.

I'm really pissed off right now and I don't know why.

I'm trying to declutter my room.

I don't know.

I just need to do something.

I think I'll go b/p again.

I want to hurt myself.

I don't feel like cutting or taking pills.

But purging is always nice.




Dragon Army

You might notice the background has been changed =) It's based on the Ender's Game books.

Ender's Game series

Anyway... yeah... XD

I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting =( Blogger won't let me view half of your blogs! It's really pissing me off!

B/p-ed today. Felt good. Can I still b/p in college?

Day 5 - What song inspires you?

Shit... umm...

One Track Minded Age by Broken Iris


July 29, 2011


Oh what a fucking achievement! >.<

You should see the numbers going down my arm... haha I keep writing down all my weights XD

Day 4 - Your Parents

This could get complicated...

I always say I have 4 parents. 2 biological, 2 step. I also have 2 godparents, but they aren't very important. I'll mention them in this anyway. 

I live with my biological mother and my stepfather. My mother is crazy. But then, she raised me by herself. She married my stepfather when I was 7. My stepfather is okay I guess. He's not horrible and he's not amazing. He just is.

My biological father and my stepmother live in Maryland. I don't get along with my father at all. I love my stepmom. She introduced me to Metallica. I introduced her to DragonForce. See why I love her? She's fighting cancer right now. It's going well. I hope she'll be okay.

I don't know my godparents. I've met them, but that was when I was about 6 years old. My godfather lives in Norway. My godmother lives in Sacramento, California. My godfather gave me a doll when I was little. I loved her. She was really pretty. She's been shunned to another bedroom in my house now. I don't really like dolls anymore. I've grown up.

My parents are okay. I won't complain about them. Well, my father, yes. But the rest? Nope... they're fine.


Haha I keep jumping on my scale. My weight keeps fluctuating between 131.4 and 131.0, but the last weight I saw was 131.0

Fuck I'm a fatass

So it's been bothering me... on this one girl's blog, she said she's still a virgin and she wanted to change that this past year, but she didn't. She's almost 20. I'm 17 and I'm not a virgin. Does that make me a slut? =/ Ugh... I don't even really enjoy sex... it just happened... and no, it wasn't forced on me or anything, but I was just like... eh, why not?


I need to get through these questions =)

Day 3 - Your first love

Oh Lord.

We were 12. He went to my church. We were best friends. Then we "fell in love". Haha. 12 year old love... RIGHT. We broke up when we were 13. Hated each other. Talked a little since then, but now we'll probably never talk again. I think we're both okay with that.

We both played Runescape =) 

Good times...

He was my first kiss.

His name was Ben.


He's still alive.

He was there the first time I ODed. He talked me through it, I think. I forget. I was too medicated and shit. That was over a year ago I think. That was the second to last time we talked.

Day 2/131.4lbs

Drank some water before I weighed myself XD genius, I know

I'm bored as hell and too tired/depressed/fat as fuck to go out sooo...


I don't want to do this question thing in college, so I'll try to do all 30 days before August 18 =)

Going through an Ender's Game phase =)

Day 2 - Nicknames


I only have one. Mango.

Current weight: 131.0lbs

After a day of bingeing. Shit I don't even want to think about it.

I want to start something new, cause I think my blog posts are boring as fuck. I apologize.

So... I'll put this into a page, and I'll post the answers on here in each post as well. (Err... one question per post...)

30 days of questions!

Day 1 - Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

Oh shit...

Umm... hi! I'm Vampire! Aka Mango. I'm 17, about to start college in less than a month (omg omg) and I like blogging, even though I suck at it.

Recent picture... fuck... I'm hideous T_T I just took this today... like, within the past hour...

Oh gross... I'm sorry >.< I didn't sleep much

Facts... umm can I skip this?

1. I like happy, upbeat music =)

Like this. It's my dirty secret >.< this song is from a show my cousin (currently 12 years old) was obsessed with a few years ago. It just always makes me smile.

2. I don't like chocolate.

3. Pokemon has replaced my Runescape addiction =)

4. All I really want is for someone to notice me... to notice if I'm happy or not... to care... how selfish does that sound? >.<

5. I'm the only one in my group of close friends who cares about academics/college

6. I suck at cleaning, so I'm constantly doing it XD

7. I like weird food combinations, but only if I'm the one who mixes them

8. I like repetitive games because I can get lost in them and just listen to music and play and nothing else matters. On the contrary, I hate repetitive shows, like Bleach >.<

9. I love reading lists and hate making them (for others. I love writing lists for myself)

10. It takes me a week to unpack after a trip

11. I love being alone

12. I read too much.

13. I hate the sound of birds and lawn mowers. They just really bug me.

14. Every passing day convinces me more and more that I like girls and not guys.

15. I have too much self confidence.

-sigh of relief- It's over!


Does anyone else have this problem where they CAN'T view some blogs because they're under 18?? It's really pissing me off! -_-

I found out who my roommate is for college. She's really thin. She's in a relationship with a guy. Thank you, Facebook.

I wonder what college is going to be like...

I'm terrified.

Please read this



I didn't write it (duh) but I think it's something we should all keep in mind

July 28, 2011

Weight: unknown, don't give a fuck

But I did get a fuck today? Haha

Didn't sleep last night... saw the last Harry Potter movie with the boy today. He's still the boy. I decided, when he held me, that I never wanted him to let go... >.< how fucking cheesy does that sound?

Being with him makes me think I'm gay as hell. Why? Cause the only reason I enjoy doing sexual things with him is cause I love him and I know he enjoys it.

Epic on so many levels. Prereqs: Hangover 2, Harry Potter

My head won't stop spinning

Hope you're all doing well <3

July 26, 2011


I'm a fucking fatass.

My (friend? ex? annoyance?) posted on Facebook... and I quote...

"I think im going to start throwing my food up again. :/"

What the fuck?

What a fucking attention whore.


Who posts that shit on Facebook?

Oh and my grandpa (in Latvia, my other grandpa died 2 years ago) is in the hospital. Ugh. I don't know what to feel. I mean, he loves complaining about shit and having people worry about him. My dad texted me that he was in the hospital (dad is still in Latvia) and he said that they don't think it's anything serious. I just feel bad about having doubts about the seriousness of his condition. And no, I have no idea what's wrong with him, besides a seriously bitchy attitude.

My font looks weird...


I want to break up with my boyfriend. I don't like him, even though he's a perfect gentleman and I do feel safe with him. There's just no attraction. Sigh.

I want to be thin.

I've thrown up every day since I got back.

I feel kinda dizzy.

I don't know why.

I think it would be easier to throw up everything I eat. 

Except then there's more of a chance that someone will notice.

I'm not sure if I care anymore.

July 25, 2011

Europe Trip - Part 1

Sorry about not posting for so long T_T I was gone for the past month with little internet T_T argh

Yeah I know I'm Russian... but I love Soviet Russia jokes =D

Grey cat = me, orange cat = grandmothers


Nerdiest state ftw =P

This reminds me of Speaker for the Dead...

Awwww <3

I went to Moscow (well, suburbs of Moscow) and Snezhinsk while in Russia. Snezhinsk is a town none of you (most likely...) have heard of. It's in the Urals, very small, guarded and it's what we call a "closed" city - no one can get into the city unless they were born/invited there. I was born there =)

Moscow sucked. Mostly because all I did there was meet my mother's boyfriend. My married mother's boyfriend. I mean, he's really sweet and his story is really sad... he can barely walk even though he's only 33 years old. But the fact that my mother is cheating on her husband... ugh. I was slightly (okay... a bit more than slightly) pacified by the fact that he has an awesome computer =D It has Linux and Windows 7 on it. Oh and he loves computer games and he was fascinated by my DS. Haha. I would like him if he wasn't my mother's boyfriend. Oh and he's a super crazy smart genius physicist. He was personally tutored by my super smart grandfather (who's now dead T_T) - aka my mother's father.


In Snezhinsk (which translated into English, would mean "snow(flake) city" - part of the reason I love snow so much), I mostly stayed with my grandma and my cousin, since they're my only family there. Grandmother tried to feed me chocolate a lot. Ugh I hate chocolate...

I threw up once in Moscow.

Remember - the enemy's gate is always DOWN!

Dragon Army <3