March 31, 2012

I'm doing it.

I'm breaking up with caffeine.


Also carbonated stuff. Including Rockstar. Which was the only carbonated thing I drank. But ya know.

No idea what my weight is right now and I've had to much to drink today (in the form of a few sips of Rockstar and a vitamin water zero) so I don't want to check now. Reason I didn't check before all this drinking? My roommate was there. T_T

If someone were to diagram my mind this week, this is what it would look like.

Happy picture time?

Actually they look a bit terrifying...

Moving on!

Gorgeous <3

I want to make myself something like this... wouldn't that be cool? =) I'd have vitamin water zero/coffee instead of green tea/diet coke. I feel like mine are healthier, but I dunno? Mostly cause the diet coke is poison...

Dunno what to say =3 I've been really numb in the past few days.

Thankfully A sometimes makes it better. Which is really all I can ask for.

Lacuna Coil is amazing. <3 (Listening to Trip the Darkness)

Love you all. <3

March 25, 2012


Fuck knows how. I was horrible yesterday. Had a bag (not like a box, but definitely more than a serving) of Cheez-its and an almond snickers. Purged both, obviously. Also had 2 Rockstars (40cals/320mg caffeine total for both) which I didn't purge. I don't think it was really dehydration that gave me that weight since I made sure to drink some water before I went to bed. I dunno. I need to get my shit together and stop purging/cutting/eating.

Comment responses? <3

Ahaha no I'm not the second picture O_O I wish! But thank you for saying I'm your hero =3 I appreciate it.. a lot =)

You, my dear (extra)ordinary girl, are wonderful... thank you! I'll go there tomorrow and ask. <3 Thank you so much! <3

Dunno what else to say. I keep getting this weird -disconnect- feeling. Sleeping way less than I used to. 6-7 hours a night used to be normal. Now it's about 3. It's probably the caffeine.


Random guy [almost-friends] keep trying to convince me to date/sleep with them. And one of my ex's decided to come back and try to get me to fall for her. I would if I didn't know she was just trying to get over a breakup.

Listening to Savior by Rise Against.

I like it.

Here's some nice pictures.

I'll update soon I guess.

Random anecdote, feel free to skip. =3

Haha I skipped my stats class on Thursday with a girl from PT. Yeah, that site? The one I don't go on anymore? We both wanted caffeine (I hadn't had caffeine all day and it was about 3pm, so I had a really bad headache) so we were like fuck it and we just left before class started to get coffee/Rockstar. XD Then we just sat there talking about how to pretend to eat around observant people and caffeine and random shit like that. It was fun. =)

Woot time to go write 3 essays that are due tomorrow/Tuesday... XD

<3 I love all of you lovely ladies and gentlemen. <3

March 21, 2012

Pictures. One of me. Guess which one it is.

Haha yes that is where the Master thing comes from (post titled: 126.6). It's a comfort thing for me and he knows that, but for him it's a bit sexual too since he is attracted to me in that way. I'm willing to deal with the sexual part as long as he still loves me though. He's very caring and I feel far safer with him than I've ever felt with anyone else. It's like he's part of me. Yay cheesiness. -_- Okay pictures!

Sorry for all the thinspo... I just thought it was pretty. <3

PostSecret time...

Threw up and cut yesterday. Standing up was really hard today. Dunno why. I feel really fucked up. The girl I used to like saw my cut up arm today (I was wearing a tshirt cause it's hot outside today, 28C) and asked what happened. I told her I fell. My other arm is completely devoid of cuts. I'm not sure if she believed me. >_<

No idea how much I weigh. Floating between 125 and 126 last time I checked.

There's this Rockstar that has 15 calories and 250mg of caffeine.

It's quite lovely.

I fell asleep for the first time in days after drinking one yesterday. It was lovely. It was really fucking hard to wake up. Then I cut. Cause I was too shaky from the caffeine and sleep. I think.

How are you all? <3

Love this song at the moment... love Shy'm <3

Oh my God! I forgot to mention! I came out on Facebook <3 About an hour later, this guy I barely knew, but had a few friendly conversations with (he's not a creeper or anything! Dating one of my good friends) messaged me and told me he's bi. =) Then Master saw this (he has access to my Facebook and goes on it quite often, he never does anything bad though) and now he and the bi guy are friends because Master's bi too. =)


And my mom who's my friend on Facebook *liked* my status where I said I'm into girls, not guys. =)

March 14, 2012


So I'm not going to post every morning. O_O Cause I wanna post pics <3

Current (music) love:
The Birthday Massacre
Scary thought...
PostSecret time!

No, I am NOT suggesting you try this! O_O
So I went to Mexico over spring break, yes? =3

Well while in Mexico, they were selling these all over the place!

They're got el dia de los muertes. For those of you who know about this tradition, feel free to skip this paragraph (ish) or correct any mistakes I make... Basically, as a Mexican there explained, the cultural tendency is to celebrate the dead, not to fear death. So instead of Halloween, they decorate skulls and do other cool stuff like that.

My sombrero looks exactly like this one! It's sitting on a shelf above my head at this moment. =) It's quite big.

Currently drinking:

Gotta deal with my exhaustion somehow, right? Haha... =3

I feel like she's inside me right now. =3


Did I mention my parents have been going back and forth (individually, though they said they talk to each other about it) about getting a divorce for the past year, if not more? Well, not parents, but mom and stepdad. Considering they were the ones who raised me, I feel justified in calling them my parents; they've been married since I was 7.

I didn't think a divorce would freak me out, especially since I don't live at home anymore, but as soon as I heard, I immediately knew I had to leave. For good. I mean, I'll probably come back and visit (if they aren't too mad at me, hope they won't be...), but I'm not living with them as their daughter anymore. They can find another daughter if they really need one.

Blah. Sorry.

I think I need more caffeine, yes? =)



I have a Chinese exam today. In 12 minutes. I'm sitting outside the classroom right now with some other people  from the class who are furiously studying for it. I've given up. I either know it or I don't.

Night before last, I got about 3 hours of sleep. Last night? Maybe half an hour. Fucking hell. It wasn't tossing and turning that kept me up. It was being shaky as fuck. I had 3 Rockstars yesterday. Caffeine? 160 + 240 + 240. = 640mg?


Thankfully my Master was up as well (nightmares, he has insomnia) so he kept me from totally flipping the fuck out.

Walking to class was really hard.
Nothing's real. I'm scared. I feel like I'll never sleep again. God I want to sleep.

Thankfully I'm not hungry (in this "fuck it" mindset, hunger could be very dangerous), just really thirsty, so I'm going to get a vitamin water zero after this exam. The idea of food makes me want to throw up. Oh yeah. I threw up last night too. Ahaha. Mostly Rockstar and stomach acid, from the taste. TMI, sorry.


I would do anything to sleep. Time to look for sleeping pills maybe?

At least today's Wednesday.

Oh and thank you, Bobbi (is that your name? It's what was on your profile...), for the comment. =)

I'm definitely moving. Transferring colleges.


Does anyone know how to do this with the FAFSA (though I don't need money, but don't I need to cancel the FAFSA thing?) and telling my university I'm not coming back? Or does anyone have a guess as to which department in the university could tell me how to deal with this?

Fuck I'm tired.

I'm gonna go take my exam.

I hope you all are having a better day than I am... and a much better night's sleep. <3

March 13, 2012


Fuck. Binged horribly yesterday. Friend made me eat dinner. It went downhill from there. I didn't get a chance to purge because she kept watching me. She has no idea about my eating problems so I dunno why she was so concerned with making me eat.

And thanks to my roommate and my insomnia, I'm tired as fuck. How in HELL does it take an HOUR AND A HALF OF LOUD DOOR AND DRAWER SLAMMING TO GET READY FOR CLASS???? Ugh I'm sorry but I'm really fucking tired.

English class starts in 7 minutes and the teacher isn't here yet and none of us are brave enough to try the door so we're all just sitting outside the room... haha. We're lame. Oh well.

I'm leaving this university after this year. Moving to go live with someone. I'll probably get back into college when I'm there. My parents are going to be pissed as fuck but I'm not sure I care.

Yeah I'm gonna go before you all hate me... T_T


March 12, 2012


Don't even want to think about how much I gained in Mexico. However, yesterday all I consumed was 2 pieces of gum and a vitamin water zero. Woke up to that on the scale.

In Chinese class now. Blah.

Sorry about the short post just wanted to update. <3

Have I lost all my followers?

Well, if I still have any left, or if I have any new ones, I LOVE YOU! And have a wonderful day. =)