May 31, 2012


This really loud, annoying girl came over yesterday.

One thing you have to understand about where I'm living. The place I'm living in is owned by Grandma. Not my grandma, but his...adopted-ish grandma. No one pisses her off. No one. She's crazy. She's also a wonderful friend and person, so staying on her good side is a really good idea.

I need to pee. So I'm going to weigh myself. Before I pee/shit. Yeah tmi sorry. Title is this weight.

Oh right. The annoying girl. Grandma doesn't want her on her property. Annoying girl is fat, has 2 kids (by 2 different guys, by choice), is 19, kicks puppies (literally), and yells at her baby (the one she has. The other one she isn't allowed to see anymore because of how abusive she was) calling her a fat fuck. She also likes to discuss sex. Loudly.

I was quite thankful for her presence though. And for my wisdom teeth coming in. Both are wonderful reasons to not eat, since Lover knows I get really anxious around people.

Anyway. Weighing time.

Oh God Oh God Oh God.

I'm terrified. Time to do this. With Lover sitting across the room from me playing Plants vs. Zombies. Adorable game btw.

Maybe I'll pee first?

I'm a fat fuck.

I need to pee.


I'm sorry about this post.


May 30, 2012

Thank you for the comments.

Don't want to talk today.

I'm slipping away and I'm scared.

But I think I'm slipping in a good way. A way that will make me thin.

May 24, 2012

I've been fucking way too much. Eating way too much. Terrified of weighing myself, mostly because my fiance keeps a close watch on my scale. Can't keep it on the floor or the puppies will get to it and fuck it up.

We're watching Meet Joe Black right now. Well, he is. I'm sitting here typing. Obviously.

Fuck my life.



I don't care about my weight anymore. He got mad at me for throwing up the other day. Yes, it was on purpose. And that's why he got mad. I'll hide it better next time. Fuck him. I'm not stopping. Ever. I'll do whatever I damn please.

How are you all? Why doesn't anyone blog anymore? T_T

May 21, 2012

Premarital life

The fiance/Master is sitting here playing Dark Souls on his 360. I'm sitting here fucking around on the internet. 1 dog and 2 of her puppies are passed out in various locations in the room.

I guess this is what my life will be like. I think I'm okay with this.

We have sex a lot. We've stopped using condoms. This doesn't terrify me as much as it probably should.

I think I'm crazy.

Picture of me?

May 12, 2012

Insomnia (warning: potential trigger post)

I can't sleep because some idiot won't shut up. It's...godfuckingknowswhattime. Oh. Right. 4:11am.

This is going to be really disjointed because the idiot keeps interrupting my train of thought.

Today I had sex for the first time since...well, since *it* happened. Nope. No details. I believe I spent a whole post bitching about it a few months ago, so if you would like to go look for that, be my guest.

Today is also the first time in weeks that I've cut. Dunno if that's related. It's not the first time I've wanted to cut. There have been plenty of those. But this is the first time I gave in. Fuck.

On the positive side, there's a cute puppy sleeping in my lap =) She's my baby Akira and I love her.

I went to a show with my fiance tonight. Some wrestling thing he was part of. I was easily the thinnest girl there. That's how fat the girls there were. Gross.

Hey the loud guy just got quiet... good! Maybe I can sleep now...

Though sleep involves going and cuddling close to my fiance. For some reason this is completely unappealing at the moment. Probably cause of my arm. Ugh.

Hm I've been told to go to sleep. By a friend. But I'm a whore who does whatever she's told to do.

By the way. Scale's broken. The boys (fiance and friend) somehow fixed (?) it the other day and I got on and it said 125.0, fully clothed with wet hair. I'm fat as fuck.

I'm sorry for failing you. Goodnight. <3

May 06, 2012


I'm alive. Sorry for not updating. Umm... with my fiance in Georgia. We're uh.. living in a trailer... it's strange. I think I like this. Everything is so much more relaxed here. I'm still a bit fucked about food, perhaps more so, and I still love caffeine like crazy.


Thank you for your comment, Fixi. It's very flattering =)

Brought my scale. I'll weigh myself asap.

Obviously the fiance is watching my diet =( sigh.

Oh my God... Rockstar makes a total zero version! 0cals, 0carbs, blah blah blah. It's DELICIOUS. WAY better than sugarfree!