March 22, 2011


Critique this please? If this started a mini-debate of some sort, that would be lovely. I'd like to perfect this thought. No, arguments will not hurt my self-esteem as long as you don't attack me personally, so don't worry ^_^

"The desire to learn is what separates idiots from intelligent people."


Yeah I've been eating like a fucking fat bitch. Why? Fuck knows. Trust me, it's done. Thankfully I have been throwing up to the point of dizziness every day. Sure, my stomach hurts like a bitch, but who gives a fuck?

Thank you for the comments <3 I really appreciate them a lot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you to the rude commenter as well. It's great to have more motivation to slice up myself and stick my fingers down my throat! Like I need it XD

So I got an award...and nominated for it by two people. Wow. :3 Thank you <3 Haha


The Rules:

1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.

So.... Thank you, anonymous and Merla! <3 You girls make me feel so loved ^_^

7 things...Hmm...Well I'm not very interesting :3 I'll try!

1. My guilty pleasure is Runescape music. Haha I don't tell anyone, but I LOVE it. It's just so...relaxing. I love the Glacialis stuff <3

2. I don't actually care about my appearance very much. I mean, sure I do the bare minimum like showering every day, brushing my hair and attempting to make it not look like shit, wearing clean clothes, etc. but I don't go out of my way to look pretty (aka no makeup, don't spend much on clothes...)

3. I have an account on HEX. I'm in Hufflepuff. I love my House <3 (HEX (click me! click me!))

4. I get weirded out if a page I'm visiting doesn't have a scroll bar on the right o.O It just really freaks me out XD

5. I like dating stoners because I love how laid back they are, it helps me relax a bit too

6. I actually don't mind school. And it's not just because it's a great, unquestionable excuse to get away from my mother. I actually enjoy some of my classes :3 Don't tell anyone! I'm a senior, I'm not supposed to care!

7. Sometimes I pick fights with people just so they'll say hurtful things and give me an excuse to cut so I don't feel as guilty about it.

10 newly discovered bloggers...Hm. In no particular order...

2. Elly
3. Just Another Ordinary Girl (Thank you so much for the beautiful comment <3)
4. Ana (okay...not newly discovered, but I love her <3)
8. Peanut
10. Sophie


Amber...haha glad I'm not the only one who plays RS <3

So there's this guy my best friend hated. Mostly because this guy liked gay jokes a little too much. He says he's getting better, I don't know. This guy, let's call him A (no, his name doesn't start with A. My nickname for him does. Don't worry, it's not asshole!)... well he's been trying to convince me that he loves me. Problem is, he is a jerk...but never to me. I don't know if I should trust him or not. And I feel so guilty because Sariou hated him...It's like I'm betraying him. I'm just so confused...I guess I really just want the attention.

On a happier note...I'm going to NYC for a few days over spring break =) Sadly, it's with my dad =( But I'm making him take me to the Pokemon Center! I'm so excited about that part! If anyone lives around there or is going to be there April 7-10, it would be so cool to meet another blogger. Though I don't think I know of any bloggers who live in the NYC area...Hmm...:3 Well, yeah.. 

This post has gone on long enough. Thank you for being there for me, my lovelies <3

March 09, 2011


I can summon these on Runescape now :3 Yeah I'm a nerd...sorry.

My best love... (in a totally non-sexual way, he's very gay) left last night. His parents are apparently fucking crazy (or at least his dad is) and they left today. With him. And they cut off his phone and internet. So basically, it's like the only person I can trust is dead to me. And I only got 5 minutes to say goodbye to him, through a text. He said he would miss me the most (sigh...I'd hope so, considering we're best friends), that he loves me...he said "goodbye until next time"... I'm praying there'll be a next time. We promised each other we would never forget each other...I just couldn't stop crying, I'm crying now. Somehow I got through school without crying at all, which I'm thankful for.

It just hurts so much. Whenever I smile or laugh about something, I want to go to him or text him and be like "my love! I just heard this and it made me laugh!" or if I'm sad, I could hug him, and when he was sad, I'd be there for him... It's just killing me. It's like...there's this big part of me that's missing. I've never felt like this, even with all my breakups and everything, but I guess that makes sense since I usually broke up with the guy...fuck is this like karma?

I'm scared. It's like...something in me is breaking. I don't even care anymore. Maybe it's like...fucked up senioritis (seniors being lazy as fuck and not giving a damn about school because we're in COLLEGE damnit). My left hand is all cut up on the palm and my right hand has teeth marks from when I threw up this morning before first period.

Ugh sorry about the shit post. I just don't even know...

50 followers. Wow. Thank you, guys. That means a lot, that so many people (maybe?) read what I say...fuck that really does mean a lot. I'm not sure what I would do without this blog...I'm sorry I don't update very often.

I just want to...I don't know. Sleep at least. I do sleep. Normally (for me, which is like 4-6 hours a night)...but I'm way more tired than usual. Like, barely able to keep my eyes open. I don't know what's going on, but I don't really care, because when I slip into my dreamworld, I can pretend he's still with me and everything's okay and his goodbye was just a nightmare....not real.

Fuck I miss my Sariou.

I love him with all my heart and always will.

I'll try to come up with a better post next time. I think I'll weigh myself in lbs...

March 03, 2011

Quick post

About the reverse thinspo: Yeah she may have a pretty face, but have you seen her body?

B/p-ed today. Threw up 17 times (in a row I mean), but the last 4 or so were just bits of saliva (ugh sorry TMI). Took a bath cause I felt gross and jumped on my scale. 58.6. Fuck. I know I was wet and everything, but still... fuck. I'm that girl in the reverse thinspo thing I posted. Seriously. I'm that fat. Or fatter. I don't even know anymore.

Real reason for this post...

March 02, 2011

Reverse thinspo

Couldn't resist!


My weight in kg today. I'm a fatty.

Yesterday- (weight: 58.9)
1/2 cup coffee (nothing added)
12oz diet coke
1/2 glass dark chocolate almond milk

But I purged... (yeah yeah redundancy... SUCK IT) so maybe it'll be ok <3 I'm not eating anything else today, maybe drinking some water

I'm kinda worried. My stomach hurts like a bitch whenever I purge. Or binge, but mostly purge. I don't care. Better than letting all that food rot inside me. Oh God it hurts though....

I have to drive to piano today. In like, 7 minutes. Fuck... This is not gonna be pretty

I fell asleep in psych today and the fat girl who sits next to me was all like "are you okay??" when I woke up. I just laughed and told her I didn't sleep last night. I did, but not very much. Fell asleep around.. 12:30ish. Woke up around 5:21 and couldn't go back to sleep, got up at 6:30 for school

Wish me luck driving... FUCK my stomach hurts like a bitch

Sorry this is such a depressing post =/