March 09, 2011
I can summon these on Runescape now :3 Yeah I'm a nerd...sorry.
My best friend...my love... (in a totally non-sexual way, he's very gay) left last night. His parents are apparently fucking crazy (or at least his dad is) and they left today. With him. And they cut off his phone and internet. So basically, it's like the only person I can trust is dead to me. And I only got 5 minutes to say goodbye to him, through a text. He said he would miss me the most (sigh...I'd hope so, considering we're best friends), that he loves me...he said "goodbye until next time"... I'm praying there'll be a next time. We promised each other we would never forget each other...I just couldn't stop crying, I'm crying now. Somehow I got through school without crying at all, which I'm thankful for.
It just hurts so much. Whenever I smile or laugh about something, I want to go to him or text him and be like "my love! I just heard this and it made me laugh!" or if I'm sad, I could hug him, and when he was sad, I'd be there for him... It's just killing me. It's like...there's this big part of me that's missing. I've never felt like this, even with all my breakups and everything, but I guess that makes sense since I usually broke up with the guy...fuck is this like karma?
I'm scared. It's like...something in me is breaking. I don't even care anymore. Maybe it's like...fucked up senioritis (seniors being lazy as fuck and not giving a damn about school because we're in COLLEGE damnit). My left hand is all cut up on the palm and my right hand has teeth marks from when I threw up this morning before first period.
Ugh sorry about the shit post. I just don't even know...
50 followers. Wow. Thank you, guys. That means a lot, that so many people (maybe?) read what I say...fuck that really does mean a lot. I'm not sure what I would do without this blog...I'm sorry I don't update very often.
I just want to...I don't know. Sleep at least. I do sleep. Normally (for me, which is like 4-6 hours a night)...but I'm way more tired than usual. Like, barely able to keep my eyes open. I don't know what's going on, but I don't really care, because when I slip into my dreamworld, I can pretend he's still with me and everything's okay and his goodbye was just a nightmare....not real.
Fuck I miss my Sariou.
I love him with all my heart and always will.
I'll try to come up with a better post next time. I think I'll weigh myself in lbs...