February 28, 2016


I've been irritable af all day today.

Also been drinking loads of caffeine free tea and water.

Not sure why. Just really felt like it.

Why do people have to eat to survive? It's so annoying.

February 27, 2016


More pictures from China =P

Threw up a fuckton yesterday before work. At least it comes up super easy so I don't have to use my fingers as much and scratch up my throat. I guess.
Work was busy af and I didn't get out until 10:30 (we close at 10). But I'm sure I burned loads of calories so.

My life is super boring T_T

February 24, 2016

2/24/16 continued

So according to a few women's magazines, skinny people don't obsess about food.
Which means if I want to be thin, I should be chill around food and not all spazzy and anxious.
Or I could just pretend until I actually am relaxed around it?

Haha yeah right.

The urge to shove my fingers down my throat will never go away. =/


a few of the teddy bears my boyfriend has gotten me =)

Valentine's Day dinner - salad with snap peas, orange slices, and almonds, asparagus, pasta with squash, red onion, and red pepper, and Gardein chicken (vegetarian chicken)

The rest of these pictures are from when I was in China =)

My therapist wants me to make a mindfulness jar to help me focus my thoughts. I don't think it'll help but I'm willing to try anything =/
Also it's raining like a bitch outside today and I get to go to class soon. Yay -_-

Planning on fasting today (tea and water only). Hopefully the boyfriend doesn't notice T_T I just don't feel like dealing with food when I have so much homework to worry about,

February 20, 2016


4 crab rangoons and a pile of steamed veggies (and a pickle)

the destroyed summer palace in Beijing, right by the university I was studying at

I accidentally caught my finger in a chocolate grater at work last night and ended up grating part of my thumb. It hurts like a bitch =(
Also the boyfriend's parents are coming here today to see him but I can get out of that by saying I have homework. Which I do. >_<

I have a meeting with my therapist this Monday and my academic adviser this Friday. Super fun.

February 18, 2016


Holy shit. I was on Pandora and some song came on that had a pretty intro, and I decided to give it a chance. It was Sweet Dreams by Emily Browning. Wow. So haunting and beautiful. Then I decided to see if I could find out more about it, since Pandora said it was from a movie called Sucker Punch. First of all, Emily Browning? Gorgeous. Apparently she played Violet in A Series of Unfortunate Events. Sucker Punch sounded like a great movie, theoretically. But holy shit did they mess up the execution of it. Like, the trailer made it look amazing. But the reviews claim that they did an awful job with it. Ugh. =(

February 17, 2016


half bagel with thinly spread fat free cream cheese and a fuckton of super thinly sliced cucumber

the new dish set my boyfriend and I got ^_^ (sorry for shitty quality, also this was before they were washed)

baby bat =P

campus of the university I was at when I was studying in China. This was right across from where I was staying

I started therapy last week. My next appointment is this Monday. So scared but also kind of... relieved? Maybe? I've been anxious for as long as I can remember, and most of my childhood memories have that in the background. It's just normal to me. I don't know what it's like to not be anxious. =/ but that's what we're gonna work on. The therapist seems really nice. I think she's a grad student, but she asked good questions and somehow managed to make sense of everything I told her in the initial meeting, so that's good XD

February 09, 2016


60 calorie chai latte and a few frosted animal cookies

selfie T_T

I decided not to go to a doctor about getting my iron levels tested until next month, if it happens again. However, I did get a bag of dark chocolate Hershey's kisses yesterday. They're small and they had the highest amount of iron per serving that I saw. If I have one a day, that won't be a lot of iron, but it'll be more than I've been having, so I hope it'll help.

Also, my boyfriend got himself a 12 pack of raspberry seltzer water. He didn't like it very much, but I did, so that's exciting =) 

February 06, 2016


Loads of ferrets and the puppy I gave away a few weeks ago.

@Sam - Thank you so much T_T last night was shit and your words brightened my day <3

Last night I got really dizzy and literally almost passed out, even sitting down, while I was at work. Eating and drinking didn't help and it was really freaking me out to be honest. I even got enough sleep the night before. My boyfriend thinks I might be anemic, since I show a lot of other signs of it apparently (I eat ice literally all the time at work, I fall asleep a lot, I don't really eat stuff with iron in it) but I dunno. I could have just been really stressed from last night because it was busy as hell at work. Blah.

February 04, 2016


I keep wanting to be healthy. To not be dizzy and shaky and nauseated and thinking about food all the fucking time. So I was thinking
-half a bagel with a teaspoon of fat free cream cheese for breakfast
-1/2 cup veggies with 1 hard boiled egg for dinner

Super healthy and loads of calories, so I should be fine throughout the day, right? I'm gonna try that next week, when I go grocery shopping again.

February 03, 2016


the bread/cheese were toasted in the oven before I put the tomato/onion on. I think I prefer it untoasted though XD

Pear salad I made myself at work after a long shift. Took it home with a panini for my boyfriend. The salad has pears, caramelized pecans, cucumber, onion, avocado, and lettuce.

@Bella - I've never even heard of V... maybe it's something else we don't have here? XD

My boyfriend went grocery shopping for me yesterday (he works right by the grocery store) and got me oranges, frozen broccoli, eggs, and veggie burgers. Yay! I love things with a long shelf life >_<