December 31, 2012

New Years

Or rather, last day of the old year.

I feel like I should have some wonderfully thought out post about changing times or something.

But I can't think of anything to say.

It hasn't been the greatest year. Though it certainly ended a lot differently than expected. I was supposed to be done with my sophomore year of college by now. Instead, I took a semester off, lived in a fucking trailer like some homeless drunk, and ended up with a guy who I'm not particularly happy with, but who I can tolerate, so that's good I guess?

No weight. Don't want to know my weight.


Don't leave college for a guy.

You probably won't listen though. I was told the same thing when I started at Miami. By someone who had left Miami for a guy who she ended up marrying and divorcing.

I wish I had listened.

Happy 2013.

December 26, 2012


Christmas was... uneventful. Literally. Nothing happened. We drank tea and watched X-Men. Woot? >_<

I'm still not feeling any better. At all.

But hey. It snowed! So that's one good thing. =) It's snowing like crazy right now!!! =D

Merry belated Christmas!

December 20, 2012

December 20, 2012

On my mother fucking period. Blah!

Thanks for the comments. =) I do feel a little better. Actually... certain people said my problem might have been caused by dehydration. I have a really bad habit of not drinking enough, I've had that problem for years. I've been trying to drink more and I think I am feeling better! Fingers crossed... =)

Hmm nothing much to say. Still reading that Rage of Angels book. Hehe... God I love it. Just been reading a lot in general recently. Books are such a wonderful escape for the less creative, like me... =)

December 17, 2012


Not good, but... decent I guess?

I have a slight problem... I went to the doctor for it but she said it'll take like up to two weeks for them to rule out STD's/bacterial infection so... blah. The problem? TMI WARNING. Should have mentioned that earlier. >_< Anyway. Tmi begins now... you have been warned. I've been peeing a lot recently. Not a lot as in quantity, but just... frequency. So it kind of freaked me out and I went to the doctor and she was like yeahhh the lab results will take fucking ages and she didn't really tell me anything else so now I'm just sitting at home being miserable. And reading. Rage of Angels by Sidney Sheldon is a really good book. =D

Anyway. To deal with this problem. I've been instructed to drink lots of water (of which I have no objection to, since water is awesome!), homemade cranberry juice (not lots, but... ugh it's kinda high-cal?) and chamomile tea. My mom brought over fresh cranberries and a box of tea the other day... so I'm kinda worried my weight's gone up just from all the liquids. I dunno...

I feel like shit though. I'm never taking my health for granted again. >_< Hopefully.

December 06, 2012


Last night I purged for the first time since this summer. I remember why I stopped. Dear God it felt terrible... I'm scared I'm losing my... I don't know. My motivation. The bad feeling purging gave me overruled the feeling of relief of having that food gone.


December 05, 2012


Ooo and I got nominated so... yay I'ma do that now...

The rules:
You post 11 things about yourself
ask 11 questions
tag 11 people with no more than 200 followers

Okay so... 11 things about myself. 
1. I'm Russian.

2. I'm a little OCD. XD

3. I never read only one book at once... usually I read between 5 and 10. >_<

4. I've been spending a lot of time at the library recently.

5. I'm not very good at talking about myself.

6. I've been blogging since high school (sophomore year).

7. I live with my fiance.

8. I secretly (very secretly... you're the first to know!) wish my fiance was more dominant than he is, though I'm not entirely sure if I would be happy if he was.

9. I'm extremely indecisive.

10. I think old couples are adorable. =)

11. Purple is my favorite color.

11 answers: (from This Awesome Blog

  • Do you prefer to read a book or watch a movie? read a book
  • What do you think is your best feature? my hair
  • Tea or Coffee? coffee
  • What is the drunkest you have ever been? throwing up and being incapable of sitting up
  • How many sexual partners have you had? ....I'd rather not count them T_T
  • Do you think the world is going to end this year? Nope
  • What is your favourite perfume & aftershave? Vera Wang Princess
  • Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery? Yes
  • Have you left your own country for a holiday? I don't have a country
  • What is your favourite food? corn >_<
  • Who is you're favourite artist/band? I Am Ghost

    My 11 questions:
    What is your favorite blog?
    Who is your role model and why?
    What's your major in college? (If not in college, what are your interests?)
    Favorite alcohol (or drink)?
    Favorite book?
    Favorite movie?
    Favorite season?
    Do you like or dislike these "favorite ___" questions?
    Where do you hang out/spend most of your time?
    Where do you want to be in 5 years?
    What is your least favorite color?

    (In no particular order)

    ....Crap. I can't find more blogs with less than 200 followers... T_T

    So.. if you have less than 200 followers, this award is yours! =)

    Now... thinspo!

    December 03, 2012


    After food and coffee and .... dear God no wonder I'm fat. >_<

    I'll do better though! Scared to weigh myself atm since I had to have dinner with my mom last night. >_< It was girly shit like salad and yogurt but still... falafel salad with that sauce they put on it and oily as hell "flaming cheese" and yogurt with OIL and mint/cucumber... oh and pita bread. We went to this place called Poco Piatti (sp?) that does that kind of stuff... ugh.

    But I'll do better and be thin. I promise!

    November 30, 2012


    The boy brought me fresh coffee from a cafe a few blocks away as a peace offering (no idea what he did wrong but whatever... never question coffee offerings!) today... it was really sweet! The gesture, I mean. The coffee itself was strong and bitter and delicious. =) No sugar/creamer, just how I like it. ^_^

    November 29, 2012


    Still on my fucking period. Pretty sure this is the last day though.

    We took the puppy on a long-ass walk today. She pulled at her leash the entire time. Then she came home, drank all the water in the house (kidding... just a lot from her water bowl), and fell asleep. So cute. =D

    November 28, 2012


    Sigh. Back to wearing my collar in public and getting weird looks. Or maybe that's just from how fat I am... who knows?

    I hate that so many people call me thin and say I'm losing weight when I'm obviously fat and I'm too scared to step on my scale.

    I just wish things made sense, you know?

    I only agreed to let him "retrain" me under the condition that he did not touch my food intake and stuff. Some loud fat bitch is being super annoying in the middle of the library... UGH.

    D'aw some random girl just walked by and complimented me on my laptop case... haha made my day. ^_^

    ....Sorry I'm all over the place. Coffee coffee coffee!

    November 27, 2012

    A perfect pet

    So apparently I've been slacking off since we moved and now I need to be "retrained". Which means reading a fucking essay he wrote on being a perfect pet. ...ugh. Oh well. Not like I have anything better to do, right?

    Hehehe I've been checking out so many books from the library. =) I love it here!

    November 26, 2012


    I live here. In order to get online. Oh isn't my life...eventful? XD

    On my period so not weighing myself. My mom keeps bringing us food. Like, cookies and bagels and cream cheese and apples and pie. o_O Oh and this super yummy caramel truffle coffee.... ooo so good!

    November 23, 2012


    I hope your Thanksgivings were better than mine. Or that you were one of those lucky people who doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.

    Mine was... blah. I spent the whole day fighting with the fiance except for when we went over to my mom's for dinner. So, the whole day except for about 2-3 hours was spent fighting with him. Oh and he cut his hair. He had super long (for a guy) curls and now it's like.. a buzz cut. T_T So sad. But it'll make it easier for him to get a job. So...yay?

    Le sigh.