December 19, 2010

Tortured bliss

Fuck if I know what I'm talking about.

I can feel myself gaining and I hate myself for it. My mom's leaving tomorrow before I get home from school. She's going to Russia for 2 weeks. So it'll just be my stepdad and me here. I hope he doesn't make me eat. He probably won't, but who knows?

chaotic beauty <3

unbeautiful haha thank you that made me smile =) And yeah, I love killing hill and ice giants on Runescape ^_^ Hill giants are like level 28, so great for ranging.. *nerd*

Thank you for the comments, ladies =) I really appreciate it.

My stepsiblings are coming over today (any minute actually) and my mom expects me to eat with them... Sigh. I'll just tell her I had a big breakfast or something.

I've kind of... forgotten about D. No, not forgotten. Just like... my mind has, if that makes sense? All that matters now is losing weight, exercising, avoiding food, GETTING TO A FUCKING SCALE.... Who has time for boys?

He keeps trying to get back with me and he's being really persistent, but I don't have time for boys. I'm too fat to be in a relationship.

I keep reading on blogs/PT (yeah I'm back on PT! Though I might leave... ugh... whatever, not the point) that like... girls want to keep their boobs and butt and stuff even when they lose weight. Because they want to be attractive to guys.

Am I just fucked up cause I don't want to seem attractive to guys at all? I just want to disappear from their sight... from everyone... I don't deserve to live, to breathe, to consume anything. I'm too fat, disgusting, stupid, pathetic, ugly.... I could go on for ages.

Though I'm sure you girls don't read my blog to hear be bitching about life (not really sure why you read it... but hey, I have followers! YAY!) so I'm just gonna stop here...


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