July 20, 2012

I can't deal with this anymore. All he does is play video games and fuck me when he's bored. All I'm good for is sex. Or showing off. "Hey look... I got a girl even though I'm a nerd!"

I'm tired of this.

He left me home alone for 4 days straight even though I cut myself up on the first day and he knew about it.

I wish I had someone who cared.

I know it's too much to ask for and I don't deserve it but that's really all I want.

I'm sorry.

I guess right now my blog is like my friend. Someone I can talk to about anything. You know?

If you read this and don't hate me... you're probably a saint.

In a non-religious sense.

4 comments:

  1. I can relate.
    Due to my eating disorder I've pushed all my real life friends away and have delved further in to the murky world of the internet and blogging.
    It's the only social outlet I have

    much love x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I read this and I certainly don't hate you! I'm also definitely not a saint, that's for sure. Just interested in the goings-on in your life.

    Sounds like you're getting fed up - rightfully so, by the way you're describing it. Also, you do deserve someone who cares, you absolutely do, and maybe the situation you're in right now is not conducive to allowing you to find that. Any chance you've changed your mind about not going back to Miami? Maybe you just need to get away from him for a while - and not as in, he leaves you alone for a few days and that's how you're separated, but that you need to go somewhere by yourself, too. Clear your mind, and figure out what it really is that you want here and now, as well as in/for the future. But make sure it's something FOR YOU. Give yourself enough credit to realise that you have so much left to do, to accomplish in life - more than just sex, and caring for a gamer who sees you as just a trophy (guys who simply relegate their women to the status of trophies are unacceptable in my book, not real men). Don't let him make your decisions for you about every damn thing, because you'll regret it one day. You may not think so, but one day it will be difficult to forgive him. Maybe you hate yourself, or find it hard to believe that you're worthy of anything or whatever, but give yourself the chance not to hate yourself, even if it means telling him off. He'll respect you more if you do, or should, and if he doesn't, then he's just not worthy of you. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do, leave someone who is abusive towards you, or even semi-abusive (which is what he sounds like, though I may be reading too much into it), I know this, but I promise you that once you take initiative you'll have more than just a blog as friends. I may be ranting and it might not be productive for you, but I just don't want you to be unhappy. And I'm here for you if you ever need anything, anything at all.

    But if you do move on and move out and leave him behind, take the puppies with you.

    <3.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You deserve someone who's there for you. You don't deserve to feel used and unappreciated. I really hope you're okay, please never feel like you're alone.
    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Annie&#39;s Tibbers21 July, 2012 12:58

    You should know you have more friends then your blog, there are people here that arnt even close to hating you, they love you, pull through and do what makes you happy.

    ~Tibbers

    ReplyDelete

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