November 24, 2010


It's going to suck.

So last night, my mom ran into the mom of my former classmate. Oh wait.. apparently she's not my former classmate anymore though because she switched to my school (Feel free to skip this part... or any of the post for that matter, but I just want to clarify this for the curious: We used to go to a private school together - 42 kids total in our graduating class, so everyone was really close. Then I decided to go to a public school for high school. Apparently this girl has now transfered to the high school I go to). Oh, and she's a grade below me now, even though we were in the same class back at the private school. Why? Because she was hospitalized for anorexia.

We were never really best friends, but we were in the same clique in elementary school before I decided they were too preppy and I went off to form my own clique. And I was just like... fuck what just happened? She was always so perfect, so happy. The perfect preppy school-loving athlete. I mean, seriously. Everyone was jealous of her and she was always so nice to everyone. And she was anorexic in high school?? I guess it was bound to happen. But still. It just really messed me up.

And now I'm reading blogs written by these idiots (NOT ALL OF YOU ARE IDIOTS. IN FACT, MOST OF YOU AREN'T... this is just being addressed to the insensitive piles of merde who ARE idiots) who are all "anorexia is a lifestyle, not a disease! It's a choice!" Fuck you. Just fuck you. A lifestyle does not take over your mind and kill you or put you in the hospital for so long that you have to drop down a grade.

Wasted (by Marya Hornbacher) is NOT thinspirational. How the hell do people get that??? It's about torture, death, pain, lies... Or is that thinspirational now?

Fuck. Some people are fucking idiots.

Yeah I'm kinda pissed off right now


  1. thank you. I hope you feel a little more cherry soon
    i adore you

  2. They're confused by the few choices they have left, once/if the disease consumes them. I've chosen to avoid therapy sessions. I've chosen to leave inpatient without the approval of my treatment team. I've chosen to take a perverse sense of pride in being labeled unmanageable. Recovery demands compliance, and even if there's a part of us sacred to give up a disorder existing so long within us it feels like a personality trait, we can choose health accepting the struggle towards it. But you're right, it's largely delusional. "Wasted" is only thinspirational in the sense that some want to be as sick or worse than her. Others believe they could get thin then better then be nominated for a Pulitzer. They ignore her admitted relapse post-completion, the heart condition, the acceptance of an early death.

    You're wise for a young one.


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