Nothing More Than a Shadow

August 07, 2011

One Sentence archive - story #3897

August 06, 2011

One Sentence archive - story #3384

Holy fuck.

Something to think about.

I'm supposed to be packing.

59.9kg

Let's have a pig roast for the fat pig!

Except no one will eat it cause it's so disgustingly fat.

Binged like a fucker this morning and apparently did NOT throw up enough.

What the FUCK.

Sno - ahh don't die! I wanna read your blog! Haha... where are you from? <3

I'm okay I guess.

I will be if I lose this fucking weight.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Ugh sorry for swearing so much.

I can feel my mood getting more stable though. I'm not as bitchy and shit. That's good I guess.

Sigh.

I don't know.

I need to pack. I'm working on getting my fall clothes packed right now.

Woot.

It's exciting haha.

No, really, it kind of is.

Best Of Dating Site Murderer: Pics, Videos, Links, News

Flavorwire » How to Drink Like Your Favorite Authors

#7.

Should I be worried that my favorite drink combination is vodka and Coke?

And this guy is a heroin addict?

Ugh. >.<

August 05, 2011

Holy fuck

If I hear ONE MORE FUCKING COMMENT about how much Russians suck or how I'm just a stupid Russian bitch or ANYTHING against Russians I am going to... well, I don't know yet, but it might result in me not blogging anymore (do they have internet in mental hospitals?)

Fuck.

Thank you all for your comments <3

Samzi - yay I'm so happy I made you laugh =) your comment just saved my sanity <3

Veetah - haha yes I love Ender's Game <3 ^_^

Kes - Oh God. A Christmas tree. Remind me to stay on your good side. XD But yeah, I'm living in a dorm >.<

Jenn - I'll definitely look into it =D thanks! <3

Apparently I got a new follower

Sadly, I am not deserving of this lovely new follower

I'm a fat fuck

Thank you to the person (not on Blogger, thank fucking God my sanctuary is still holy haha) who called me an "immature Russian whore" =)

Now I need a knife

Wheeeeeee

I love my bracelets

They cover the

stuff

Mhmm

Mom made me eat lunch today

At a mediterranean grill

Where you pick out the stuff and they cook it in front of you and serve it to you with your choice of noodles/rice/whatever

She made me eat the whole thing

It hurt

I didn't purge

She was paying attention

I wish I had purged

I got stickers

those letter ones

I put "Mango" on my phone

It's pretty

It makes me smile

Mom's cooking dinner downstairs... I can smell it...it makes me dizzy, makes me want to throw up

I got a pair of ballet flats yesterday, AE jeans (size 4's are a little big on me...um...I guess that's a good thing? I was too scared to try on the 2's... I'm a fucking fatass) (the dark artist ones... omg <3 if only I was thin), underwear from Victoria's Secret (had a gift card that I got for my birthday, used up the rest of that), and uh... I think that's it? Then I got a pair of basic black/white Converse today =) I was gonna get boots, but I didn't like any of the boots there and the Converse were like BUY ME BUY ME BUY ME! and I'm like "of course...I love you!"

Okay maybe I'm crazy

Then I had lunch

FUCK

I want to die

I can deal with fat comments (usually.. well, I probably say worse to myself, so I've become used to it haha), generic insults just make me laugh, but attacks on my nationality? They completely tear me apart.

And yet I'm the immature one.

Alright.

Whatever.

Get me the fuck out of here.

EDIT: I'm okay. I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay.

Parents are going out tonight. I can cry, b/p, whatever in peace. I don't need to hurt myself. I won't. Just don't make me eat. I'll be okay.

August 04, 2011

One Sentence archive - story #2464

So messed up

I should stop reading these and go to bed

One Sentence archive - story #2480

I hate some people.

But it makes me wonder.

What if the person had picked up a book on weight loss

but then they saw the recovery books

and they left the weight loss book there in favor of a recovery book?

We'll never know...

This site is like PostSecret on crack without the pretty pictures (which makes me wonder what kind of shitty crack it's on)

August 03, 2011

Surviving the World - Lesson 821 - Santa Claus

This guy? Yeah... he's a GOD.

(Mostly) clean humor. Like, 99% I'd say. HILARIOUS.

He ALWAYS cheers me up. There has never been an instance where he has not made me feel better.

I want his babies.

Like, I want to be their mother.

Not eat them or whatever.

o_O

Just threw up.

One Sentence archive - story #1152

O_O

58.8kg

Fatass

Jenn and Arya - <3 I'm sorry I can't view your blogs =( it's probably set as having adult content... GAH FUCK YOU BLOGGER!

Jenn... <3 <3 <3 marry me? Haha >.< Ender's Game rules <3

I told my boyfriend to fuck off today.

I've been really pissed off lately.

I've also been really nauseated.

I'm terrified that I'm pregnant or something. This doesn't feel normal.

But I don't know what normal is.

And I've been throwing up every day.

I don't want to be fat.

Though apparently I still am.

What the fuck.

I'll lost weight though.

I'll stop b/ping.

At least in college.

It's so easy here.

I threw up dinner last night.

I wish I had thrown up more.

Mom and I are about to go back to school shopping.

I binged this morning before my weigh in.

Didn't purge.

WHAT THE FUCK.

I hate myself.

Off topic.

Can you guys think of anything not-so-obvious that I need to get for college?

Thanks!

Day 6 - Pet Peeves

I hate people who think their country is divine and every other country is shit.

The blissfully ignorant also bother me quite a bit. You know... those people who realize they know nothing and yet they're still happy with that and they don't try to learn more? Yeah, those people.

They're/their/there, threw/through (I've seen this on a "perfectionist"'s blog. Goddamn wannarexics.), too/to/two/2. If you don't know the difference between them, just don't use them, okay? Especially if you're a native English speaker and you only know one language. Oh wait... you don't even know one language. Good job!

Ahem.

Sorry.

I tend to rant a bit.

As a reward for putting up with my ranting...

Look at it. LOOK AT IT. Okay. =)

Related to my pet peeves... =)

Okay... actually I don't mind Raven, but... eh... >.< I couldn't resist reposting this!

How things should be =)

LIES!

Answer in comments =)

Click to make bigger =)

I'm easily amused =)

****WARNING: HARRY POTTER 5 SPOILER!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!****

My Chemistry teacher did a lot of cool fire stuff on the last day of class =) it was awesome. It left a mark on the ceiling. A big black mark. Haha

Thinspo thinspo!

I might or might not be going through a Harry Potter phase

The problem? I have a Kindle. Oh fuck. =P

Comments! Please? What should I bring to college and what's your weapon in the zombie apocalypse (scroll up for rule! Haha) <3

Love you all <3 thank you for reading!

August 02, 2011

Haven't we all...

This. This is me.

Holy shit.

They're all true for me O_O I thought I was the only one who did the Disney thing!

One Sentence archive - story #1942

Sorry for posting so many of these, but they're addicting!

This reminds of me C.

I hate the Steelers now.

Just the site of their little logo or whatever makes me want to cut in a dark corner.

I hate him.

One Sentence archive - story #68

Oh My God.

I'm never having kids.

I don't want them to deal with that

July 30, 2011

59.0kg

Hm I regained a follower =)

So apparently I still lost a little weight after b/p-ing a handful of almonds... that's comforting, cause now I want a pb&j sandwich! Haha XD Oh I'm such a fatass. Maybe I'll just make a salad. Purge it of course.

I don't know what I'll do if I can't purge in college =(

59.2kg/130.5lbs

Fatass fatass fatass.

I lost a follower.

I'm sorry.

I'm really pissed off right now and I don't know why.

I'm trying to declutter my room.

I don't know.

I just need to do something.

I think I'll go b/p again.

I want to hurt myself.

I don't feel like cutting or taking pills.

But purging is always nice.

Ha.

Right.

Whatever.

Dragon Army

You might notice the background has been changed =) It's based on the Ender's Game books.

Ender's Game series

Anyway... yeah... XD

I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting =( Blogger won't let me view half of your blogs! It's really pissing me off!

B/p-ed today. Felt good. Can I still b/p in college?

Day 5 - What song inspires you?

Shit... umm...

One Track Minded Age by Broken Iris

July 29, 2011

130.8lbs

Oh what a fucking achievement! >.<

You should see the numbers going down my arm... haha I keep writing down all my weights XD

Day 4 - Your Parents

This could get complicated...

I always say I have 4 parents. 2 biological, 2 step. I also have 2 godparents, but they aren't very important. I'll mention them in this anyway.

I live with my biological mother and my stepfather. My mother is crazy. But then, she raised me by herself. She married my stepfather when I was 7. My stepfather is okay I guess. He's not horrible and he's not amazing. He just is.

My biological father and my stepmother live in Maryland. I don't get along with my father at all. I love my stepmom. She introduced me to Metallica. I introduced her to DragonForce. See why I love her? She's fighting cancer right now. It's going well. I hope she'll be okay.

I don't know my godparents. I've met them, but that was when I was about 6 years old. My godfather lives in Norway. My godmother lives in Sacramento, California. My godfather gave me a doll when I was little. I loved her. She was really pretty. She's been shunned to another bedroom in my house now. I don't really like dolls anymore. I've grown up.

My parents are okay. I won't complain about them. Well, my father, yes. But the rest? Nope... they're fine.

131.0lbs

Haha I keep jumping on my scale. My weight keeps fluctuating between 131.4 and 131.0, but the last weight I saw was 131.0

Fuck I'm a fatass

So it's been bothering me... on this one girl's blog, she said she's still a virgin and she wanted to change that this past year, but she didn't. She's almost 20. I'm 17 and I'm not a virgin. Does that make me a slut? =/ Ugh... I don't even really enjoy sex... it just happened... and no, it wasn't forced on me or anything, but I was just like... eh, why not?

Sigh.

I need to get through these questions =)

Day 3 - Your first love

Oh Lord.

We were 12. He went to my church. We were best friends. Then we "fell in love". Haha. 12 year old love... RIGHT. We broke up when we were 13. Hated each other. Talked a little since then, but now we'll probably never talk again. I think we're both okay with that.

We both played Runescape =)

Good times...

He was my first kiss.

His name was Ben.

Is.

He's still alive.

He was there the first time I ODed. He talked me through it, I think. I forget. I was too medicated and shit. That was over a year ago I think. That was the second to last time we talked.

Day 2/131.4lbs

Drank some water before I weighed myself XD genius, I know

I'm bored as hell and too tired/depressed/fat as fuck to go out sooo...

Yeah

I don't want to do this question thing in college, so I'll try to do all 30 days before August 18 =)

Going through an Ender's Game phase =)

Day 2 - Nicknames

>.>

I only have one. Mango.