August 05, 2011

Holy fuck

If I hear ONE MORE FUCKING COMMENT about how much Russians suck or how I'm just a stupid Russian bitch or ANYTHING against Russians I am going to... well, I don't know yet, but it might result in me not blogging anymore (do they have internet in mental hospitals?)


Thank you all for your comments <3

Samzi - yay I'm so happy I made you laugh =) your comment just saved my sanity <3

Veetah - haha yes I love Ender's Game <3 ^_^

Kes - Oh God. A Christmas tree. Remind me to stay on your good side. XD But yeah, I'm living in a dorm >.<

Jenn - I'll definitely look into it =D thanks! <3

Apparently I got a new follower

Sadly, I am not deserving of this lovely new follower

I'm a fat fuck

Thank you to the person (not on Blogger, thank fucking God my sanctuary is still holy haha) who called me an "immature Russian whore" =)

Now I need a knife


I love my bracelets

They cover the



Mom made me eat lunch today

At a mediterranean grill

Where you pick out the stuff and they cook it in front of you and serve it to you with your choice of noodles/rice/whatever

She made me eat the whole thing

It hurt

I didn't purge

She was paying attention

I wish I had purged

I got stickers

those letter ones

I put "Mango" on my phone

It's pretty

It makes me smile

Mom's cooking dinner downstairs... I can smell makes me dizzy, makes me want to throw up

I got a pair of ballet flats yesterday, AE jeans (size 4's are a little big on guess that's a good thing? I was too scared to try on the 2's... I'm a fucking fatass) (the dark artist ones... omg <3 if only I was thin), underwear from Victoria's Secret (had a gift card that I got for my birthday, used up the rest of that), and uh... I think that's it? Then I got a pair of basic black/white Converse today =) I was gonna get boots, but I didn't like any of the boots there and the Converse were like BUY ME BUY ME BUY ME! and I'm like "of course...I love you!"

Okay maybe I'm crazy

Then I had lunch


I want to die

I can deal with fat comments (usually.. well, I probably say worse to myself, so I've become used to it haha), generic insults just make me laugh, but attacks on my nationality? They completely tear me apart.

And yet I'm the immature one.



Get me the fuck out of here.

EDIT: I'm okay. I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay.

Parents are going out tonight. I can cry, b/p, whatever in peace. I don't need to hurt myself. I won't. Just don't make me eat. I'll be okay.


  1. I hope you are okay. Self-harming won't solve anything. Be safe.

  2. Seriously? People are dissing Russians? Don't they know we're not in the 1970s anymore? Or even the '80s etc.? Geez, people can be cruel, heartless, inconsiderate... I will never say anything of that kind, fyi. (My best friend is Russian. So that's cool, too.)

    Please don't hurt yourself. You are always unfailingly kind to me, so I only wish the best for you.


  3. (Oh. P.S. I sent that while on vacation. The TV is on, my husband is in the bathroom, and I'm sending goodwill to you from this hotel room.)


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