No idea

Umm

I felt thin one day. Apparently I'm a fatass even on my thin days.

Proof:

See? FAT FAT FAT

Gah

The rolls of fat everywhere. Yeah. I know. It's gross. Reverse thinspo, yes? =D

Pics I like -

I find this one to be very true actually, even though they're supposed to be funny/offensive ^

Amen.

This reminds me of Naruto... that one exam where the whole point was to see how well you can cheat =D

^_^

Long but I loved it. For LOTR/Harry Potter fans =)
(The opinions presented are not my own)

Points if you can name what they're referring to =D

Remind me to mention how Harry Potter is a metaphor for Christianity...

This is me

Also me =)

Gorgeous thinspo, yes?

I don't really like kids :3

Yes, I am Christian. I also know how to laugh. -_-

Why you should sleep with a teddy bear =)

I have a crush on this guy =)

Yeah. I don't know.

My mom is getting home tomorrow.

The French exchange student is coming tomorrow.

I'm leaving for Europe June 22. Won't be back until July 22.

I might try to blog while I'm there.

Love you all <3

127.4lbs

I ate dinner. Green bell pepper and a ton of baby carrots with hummus. Great idea, yeah? Ha. It was around 9pm. Fucking stupid idea. And I was drinking diet coke like a fish yesterday. I think I got through 3 bottles... 24oz bottles.

61 minutes of exercise yesterday.

2.5 24oz bottles of diet coke sitting next to me.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

I really want jelly beans.

I think I'll have a sugar b/p today. I have to go buy chocolate for my stepdad's birthday. It's this local place that makes handmade chocolate. It's good I think. I don't remember. Haven't had it in a while. They have a line of vegan chocolate though. So that's cool. Might get some of that and then run up to the grocery store and get jelly beans.

Yeah I'm a fatass.

I don't give a fuck.

Umm...I thought I had something witty to say, but I guess not.

I'm wearing size 6 jeans and I feel like a fat pig. They're almost falling off me. I don't know how this makes me feel enormously fat, but it does. Does anyone else get that feeling? I can't be the only one...


Hope you're all doing better than me.

123.6lbs

What the fuck? I was such a fat bitch yesterday. Didn't eat anything all day then around 9pm I went to the mall with a friend and got a tall soy latte from Starbucks. Also had half a bottle of diet coke.

And I was 123.6lbs this morning.

How the hell did that happen???

I'm gonna b/p my ass off today. Why? Cause I can, bitches.

125.6lbs

How the fuck did that happen?

To answer your questions - I'm 5'2" >.<

Today I ate some chips and 2 clif bars. Purged it all. I've felt sick all day.



I'm still a fat bitch


My stepdad's leaving around 2am.

I think I'll b/p after he leaves.

I know for sure I won't be sleeping

Maybe I will

I'm so damn tired

I'm sorry


I'll update tomorrow night with my weight I guess. I'll probably gain, but I'll try to walk all day tomorrow so hopefully that will help =)

127.2lbs

fat bitch

Because I love you guys...

Picture post!

I have nothing interesting to say. I'll be out of the country June 22 - July 22 =)

I find this amusing because I live in Ohio and I've actually thought about this XD And the Wright brothers...man, we suck at making people want to stay here!

People hiding =)

Click to make it bigger XD It's Ron Weasley's inbox!

I don't smoke, but I thought this was cute =) Reminds me of "I swear to drunk I'm not God" ^_^

Long, but epic ^_^

Random thinspo!

Something all you lovely people should be saying =)

Paradise =)

Religion commentary =)

A cool, creepy photo gallery - Alice in Wonderland Don't look if blood and stuff creeps you out! It's very artistic imho, but in a very dark, gothic way =) DEFINITELY worth a look though

Hmm... I don't know what to talk about...

There's this guy. (What the fuck, Vampire? Really?) We stay up late talking all the time. Like 3-4 in the morning late. About deep stuff. Life, the depths of the mind, controlling your own fears and stuff... he makes me dizzy...

Sigh.

I need to shave my legs. I have a date tomorrow night. I don't like him as more than a friend, but I think he knows that, so it's okay. He's a great friend.

Why do I have all these great friends but never anything more?

Oh...I made a bracelet...it's pretty...I've been making a lot of bracelets recently...it calms me and it takes an hour, more if I'm texting people and stuff...good distraction...

That was my first attempt =) I've gotten a bit better

Oh well. Bye, lovelies <3 I'll try to blog again soon. Sorry for the piles of pics XD

This made me happy

Also I've gotten some comments (mostly through private messages on YouTube) on my video... wow =)


Sophie - thank you ^^

I was 127.8 yesterday. Mom made me eat a really big dinner (500cals approximately) but I didn't go over 800cals for the day. I still feel like a fat pig.

I wish I could get out...

Oh! I got my schedule for the fall semester =D

Monday, Wednesday, Friday
Intro to psych - 12:45 - 1:50
Chinese 101 - 3:20 - 4:30

Tuesday, Thursday
Physics 101 - 9:30 - 10:45
French 301 - 2:15 - 3:30
English 111 - 4:10 - 5:25

=)

I'm a linguistics-psychology double major, with a potential Chinese minor. So...yes :3 I'm very excited ^_^

And yesterday my mom said I should join Spectrum - the LGBT club thing at the university =D Ahh she's finally accepting that I like girls!!!

And and and it was sooo funny when I mentioned what I'm majoring in to my friend and he was like "a cutter majoring in psychology...that's like a murderer majoring in criminology" Totally cracked me up for some reason.

XD

How are you lovely ladies? (and any guys that read, of course <3 <3)

Fuck

I binged last night. I could have said no. So easily. But I didn't. Why? Cause I'm a fucking pathetic bulimic. Woot.

I just found out this morning that my grandma is sick in the hospital. Like, really sick. They don't know what's wrong with her. There's a lot of complicated stuff going on with that now.

Weight yesterday: 129.6lbs

Fucking fatass

I'm going to the university tomorrow. Staying until Saturday. Except after all the orientation shit, we're going on a fucking PICNIC with my stepsister and her husband and probably her baby. Fuck. Thankfully I'll be away from my parents the whole time (except for that picnic) so I'll just not eat until then. Ah fuck my stomach hurts

My stomach always hurts when I eat. It kinda scares me.

Oh well.

Peace out, bitches

Vlog

I was bored this morning =D

Slice

I don't know what happened. The night before last, there was broken glass. I was playing with it and suddenly there was blood pouring out of my hands. It was...surreal. Is this really happening? When I went to rinse them off, the blood just kept coming out...the water was all red... so of course I told my stepdad, cause it was...fuck I couldn't think...I felt so bad about it though... there are people dealing with real problems and I'm crying about a few cuts... I mean, I'm a cutter..I'm used to cuts...what the fuck is wrong with me?


Sigh.


Fuck I don't know.

The last day of high school was yesterday. Graduation's Sunday.

Did I mention I'm hosting a French student for a few days this summer?

I started a blog for my writing... please don't refer to this blog if you comment it or anything. I want to keep it separate as I might share it with people who I don't want knowing about my weirdness.
Here's the link... Writings of a Mango

I'm listening to Viz by Le Tigre. I really like it. It makes me happy =)

I have to see my dad on Sunday. I hope he doesn't call me fat.

131.6lbs - 59.6kg

At least it's a loss. Sigh. Went all day on diet coke, it was great. Had about...8oz? I wasn't really counting, since it's so low-cal. Then I did some pushups at night. Then I fucking BINGED. Well....okay..it was probably no more than 400cals...but STILL. Oh fuck ew. I think it's still in me T_T Ughh....at least diet coke is a natural laxative!


I'm writing a paper on anorexia for psych right now. How fucking wonderful. A constant reminder of how enormously fat I am! Haha

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post <3 I hope I can write something that's worth your time to read! <3 <3 <3 Stephen King is so inspiring :3

<3

Scream until your heart stops

If you know where the title came from, you get a gold star =)

Weight yesterday: 133.4lbs

FUCK

Short term weight goal: 130.4 by Monday morning

And you know what, bitches? This WILL happen.


Diet coke is God. Kay? Cool.

I threw up way too much yesterday. Sigh. I shouldn't do that again. I won't do it again. (Please, God, don't let me do it again....)

I'm kinda considering writing short stories. Ha. I'm a shit writer, but I'll try...I have a wonderful image in my mind. Now the question is if I can translate it into words. If it turns out well, I might start another blog (on this account) with my writings. Would anyone want to read that? >.<


Don't really know what else to say. Graduation's May 29. I'm scared.

I want to die

Weight: unknown

AP exams Monday and Tuesday. We get out of school at 10:30 for them. And of course my friends are all "let's go out for lunch!" since the afternoon exams start at 12. Fuck. I don't even want to know how much I weigh. I'm terrified.

I went out to the store and got a 6-pack (oh oh I'm so hardcore! lmao) of diet coke - 144oz total of pure, caffeinated, low-calorie goodness. At 1 calorie per 8oz, it's 18 calories total =) Isn't that just so cool? It makes me happy =)

Umm..umm..I don't really know what else to talk about...

Hai.

I'll try to avoid shitty friends so I have a happy post next time =)

<3

Reverse thinspo

I'll post about how shitty of a person I am tomorrow.

For now, enjoy this lovely picture of the girl who sits next to me in one of my classes. Ah Facebook... <3

She's really sweet but...uhh...>.> Yeahh

I'll look like her soon!

60.0kg

Fuck. My. Life.


Actually fuck my fat ass. Kthxbai


Over 2k views o.O Wow....I feel special =D

I'm listening to Where Butterflies Never Die by Broken Iris. It's very relaxing =)


Yay comments, comments!

Oh God... You lovely ladies totally made me blush... and I never said that was me >.> Though it is T_T


Just Another Ordinary Girl - it was the AP Spanish exam. I have the AP physics one on Monday and AP French on Tuesday. Thanks =D

Haha I was angry in the picture...my dad spent like 5 minutes (no exaggeration!) convincing me to sit still long enough to take the picture XD

I haven't fallen in love with a girl yet...but it could easily happen =3

Haha I just told my friend I'm blogging and he's all "I WANNA READ IT!" and I'm like ....no -_-

XD

Sadly this is the friend who was about to kill himself recently =/ The one who's in love with me... Oh fuck. It's terrifying how close he always seems to be to being gone...I love him, I need him...He's honestly my best friend...

I just painted my nails Dark Room by OPI ^_^

The color, though NOT my nails. I bite my nails too much T_T I really should stop...ugh

So we did this trippy guided meditation thing in English yesterday... we had to walk through some woods and a meadow and run into a person holding a box and then you either recognized the person or not. And then there was either something in the box or not. In mine? I ran into Jesus. He was carrying a little box in the palm of his hand. There was a little bag of 5 dark-ish mint green pills in the box...In conclusion, Jesus gave me drugs.

Holy shit! I was Googling green pills, to try to provide a visual, since I had NO idea what pills are GREEN. These pills are damn close to what was in the box...

The caption under this result in Google Images? "Meizitang slimming green pills" Thank you, God! I understand what you want from me now! Haha

Yep. Even Jesus thinks I'm fat. Woot.

So I'm either lesbian or asexual...Hmm...

This one?

Or this one?

I kinda like the idea of being smarter than yeast...

Mom's gone for a month. Graduation is May 29. Let's see how much weight I can lose by then! Ugh... GO AWAY, MIA



I need to stop throwing up. 10-ish times in the past 2 days...Oh well. I've been worse. *sigh*


Love you all <3

Hey, look! Reverse thinspo!

It was a windy day...okay? Though that doesn't excuse the fat...sigh

I'll do a proper post sometime. I promise. I just feel sick and shit. Had an AP test this morning and was in the hospital for ODing Wednesday night and I'm still pissed off at myself for that. 

Thank you all for your LOVELY comments <3 I don't know what I would do without you...

Especially want to thank Kes for her comment cause seriously..it made me feel special ^_^

Amber - -hug- I'm sorry you feel like it's a sin... =/

Hm..I should probably address that, since I've gotten so many lovely comments about it...

Well, I do DEFINITELY have a crush on a girl. So I told my mom and she just kinda glared at me, called me a liar, and left it alone. I told my former best friend and he was like "I've been waiting to hear that for years....you never really liked guys" which made me really happy, cause that's exactly how I feel =) Beyond that, I don't know what's going on. But..yep...that's it so far. And no, I don't feel like it's wrong or anything. You can't control who you like. I don't want to. Yeah, there's actually something I don't want to control in my life XD 

<3

New desktop background

I know, I know, it has nothing to do with this blog...But I really love the game!

Aww ^_^

Just another ordinary girl...aw thank you <3 I love you too! And no...I haven't heard of that story o.O

Skittles - by "pure Russian" I just mean my family hasn't really mixed with non-Russians much. You know how everyone in America is like Irish/English/French/Polish/German/bunch-of-other-nationalities? My family doesn't have that mix. That's all I meant ^_^


Wow...56 followers ^_^ I feel so loved

And because the world likes screwing with my mind...
In a previous post, I mentioned thinking that I might like girls... well, this seems pretty certain now...I kind of (maybe, totally, in denial) like this girl in one of my classes and uh...yeah -_- I've also realized I don't really like guys (what the HELL? What am I smoking?? I thought these just had nicotine... T_T)
So here's the mindfuck part... One of my best friends just told me he's in love with me. I mean, I knew he loved me as a friend (don't worry, it's mutual!), but uh... >.> yeah. Sigh. He knows what's going on with the girl I like and stuff, and he knows how I feel about guys right now. I really hope he finds someone who actually likes him. Or I go back to liking guys like a good Christian girl.

On the food front...sigh. (Yeah these definitely have something besides nicotine...) I've been throwing up a ton. It's so effortless and it makes me feel so much better.

Oh and I said I'd post my weight...Ugh. Wet hair, dressed, this morning - 60.0kg. Woot I'm a fatass.

Nyeh. It'll get better. Everything will get better. <3


(Just because I don't comment doesn't mean I don't read your blog...Just saying. I promise I do read every word all you lovely ladies write!)

Aww I love you guys

No idea what the fuck my weight is, I'm sorry. But you girls are amazing ^_^ Thank you so much for the lovely comments <3

Skittles...yeah I didn't even think of that >.< I mean, I'm about as pure Russian as you can get, but I was still technically born in Asia XD (barely...right across the border haha)

Jenn - they don't have it for the Kindle T_T But maybe they will soon =D I've saved it just in case!


Recently I've been reading the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. The books are really funny! ^_^ There was one scene in the 3rd book where the main character (a wizard who wears a long, black leather coat) and his friend (who was wearing a big white cape and carrying an enormous sword) burst into a hospital and demand where the nursery is. It really cracked me up ^_^

Guess I'm just saying hi right now...I promise I'll be better about blogging and I'll post my weight next time <3

Starve on, my dears