April 17, 2013

I'm a horrible person

Whenever I see someone in a military uniform, I get this feeling of fear and a need to hide.
The guy who took my virginity was in the military.
He said it only hurt because I was so big.
No one saw the bruises he left because it was after my trip to Europe (mom's graduation present to me) and my mom was still on the other side of the world and my stepdad was doing some awareness thing or something and we've always basically ignored each other when it's just us two.

I feel like a horrible person because everyone tells me that everyone in the military is a hero.

I wish I wasn't such a bad person.

I'm sorry for this rant.

Please feel free to ignore it.


  1. Oh honey... you aren't a horrible person. Not everyone in the military is a good person, even if they're serving their country.
    I had a 'friend' in the military who I stayed with on base (oh god, don't tell the authorities!), and he turned out to be the biggest egotistical asshole I've ever met. He wasn't a good person, and he used his uniform and 'superiority' to attract girl after girl. I told my mum the bruises were from falling over drunk.

  2. The guy who raped me in high school got cancer during college, so I had to read so much shit on Facebook about bad things happening to good people, encouragement, community fundraisers, etc. for this terrible person I felt no sympathy for.

    Soldiers are killers. Are Nazis heroes? Putting on a uniform doesn't change anything but appearance. The military dehumanizes people and fosters bad attitudes against women. Look up Military Sexual Abuse.

    You didn't do anything to deserve what happened. Society doesn't want to confront the monsters they create. You shouldn't have had to go through this by yourself, but you did, and that's a dimension of your inner strength you never needed to prove but did. You're awesome. You survived.

  3. Uh, nazis are heroes.... But ANYWAY military are people too, and people often suck. i want to tell you, cuz i've read your posts on and off since 2010, that there are good men out there that would never ever hurt you emotionally or physically and, are just perfect human beings. I know a bunch of them because they are my friends and I know some of their darkest parts of their past and they are still awesome guys who .... literally go on vigilante walks looking for assholes to kill and stab. there are tons of douchbags, and increadibly evil vile men not in military, of every colour. There are liars hidden by smiles everywhere. Dads, husbands, younge nice looking men who live by you can talk to their friends about how they are going to jump you when you walk past a certain building (personal experience). I'm not telling you what's what, but I want to give incite to you. I think you should get really strong and mean, and not care about anyone who isn't perfect. That's what I did and it's fucking awesome.


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